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Sunday, April 15, 2012

I'm on the inside with you.

Growing up, I've had a long list of friends. It's not necessarily a good thing, my father always reiterated but I never quite comprehended what that meant. He said a person with five good friends is the luckiest man alive. I'd scoff and say, bullshit, I have so many good friends, best friends even. He said I'd learn in time what the word actually meant and that I should get back to him when I did.

As the years passed and I lost one 'best friend' after the other, it started to sink in. The farce, the pretence, the duplicacy that exists all around us. Pressing into details and reasons is immaterial but I grew accustomed to feeling left out. I was the outsider. No, this is not about how solitude became my way of life; it isn't about how this made me a stronger person; it's not even about how hard and bitter it all got at a point.

This is about you.

For walking into my life, one teeny-tiny step at a time and never walking out. You, who took so long to confide in me but made it so easy for me to come to you. The one who made me her sister when I felt like everyone but me had one. The one who learnt lyrics of songs she hated just because I wanted someone to sing with. You, with the most perfect shoulder in this world, carved for my head alone. The one who believed my version of stories, not once, not twice, but every single time. You, who hated my enemies with a bigger passion than me. I came to you after my first date ever because I just had to have you meet the guy. I came to you a million times after when he and I fought and we sat by your steps, or in your garden. I came to you when I craved maggie or a ride on the Activa. You're my reason to believe. Did you know that? Everytime you get mad at me for trusting people and getting hurt in the process, you should know that you're the reason I ever give anyone a shot. You've seen me at my best and my worst and loved me and hated me but never left me. You force me to discard my favourite phrase 'People Always Leave'.

You became mine before I knew it. You made me feel wanted. Not a plan was ever made without you including me in it. I was so used to people snatching away friends from me and you gave me a whole new world of them who love me and care for me instead. You never hung out without asking me what I was doing first, never went out and not tell me the tiniest of details after, never made me feel like I was an extra. We were incharge of everyone's birthday parties, and surprises, and preparations. We were the ones who shopped till our feet bled, for something you needed for a brother or something I had to buy my mother. We were the ones who made the craziest of plans and then executed them with so much ease. Yes, I like making plans because somehow that still links me to you. We'd act on impulse and anyone with us would feel like such a retard for we had a million inside jokes and references that nobody else understood and we were proud to act totally insane just because we felt like it.

You took me in when I was so used to staying on the outside. You dedicated songs to me which meant the world. I wrote you letters on the last page of all my notebooks. You never got tired of all my whining and complaints. I gave you all your firsts - no matter how mad or crappy. You called me names and then hated yourself for it forever. I hurt you and never forgave myself for the same. In the whirlwind of everything that's been happening I forgot that I have YOU.
The one person who gave me faith. The one who never went back on a promise or take back what she once said, because you meant it. You meant it when you called me Delilah, you meant it when you said you'll never let me quit life again and you meant it when you said we'll grow old together. You're at the root of every successful relationship I have and the reason I make it through every failure I face. And you're mine - you should know that. Nothing, living or dead, will ever take that from me. You know why? Because you won't let it. You fight for me like nobody but my parents have; and you're in my world of four - forever.

Yeah, everybody here has got somebody to lean on.
You're my somebody.

This summer, to the four of you. 
You just be good and don't you miss me.
Fifteen more days and I'll be with you,
And we'll be making history,
Like we do..
You know it's all because of you.