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Monday, October 13, 2014

"We may not always be the best of lovers..."

Two years. That's how long it's taken. I don't know when last I felt this nostalgic and happy. Nostalgia has come to become synonymous with depression as we grew up. Reminiscence led to some deep regret echoing and reverberating repeatedly inside of our guts. Well atleast, mine.

It's been a long journey and at it's advent I somehow for once found myself wishing I reach the destination as soon as possible for I knew all along, this was excruciatingly painful to say the least. But now that I can look back at it like an ancient era, I am somewhat glad it happened like it did. Makes it that much more worthwhile.

Being someone's lover is a twisted concept to begin with. Because it's not a finite entity. It doesn't necessarily end. There's too little love in the universe for us to give it up as and when it's convenient. You don't get to decide the end on your emotions, no matter how hard you try. And you definitely don't define the end for love. Someone once told me, true love doesn't exist and if it does, it doesn't survive this cruel, cold world. But true love does survive.. Perhaps it's the only thing that does.

Love is a consuming affair but its only once you stop it from doing that, will you ever realize the beauty of this emotion. It's not always rainbows and unicorns. And yes, relationships do end. But love ? You never did love if you think it's ended with the change of seasons.

I don't think I ever stopped loving you. Even though I lost you, my love for you was never lost. The tangents changed, our paths stopped intersecting and we built new worlds for ourselves. That's the right thing to do anyway. I alienated myself from anything even remotely linked to you for really long. It used to hurt too much so I made myself believe that my world had no room for even your silhouette little knowing that our worlds became entwined forever the day you held my face and whispered those Knopfler lyrics ever so softly in my ears. Now that I understand this, I finally have some peace.

Our worlds are one. They always were. Till we have the same sun shining upon us, forcing us to step out of the darkness - they always will be.

My epiphany might be a little upside down but I know now what I should've known from the start. And in the possession of this revelation, I can smile and hum music which I had run from, for so bloody long.
I can embrace life again. I no longer need to outrun my reflection. I am you and you are me. Two poles of the same soul - never meant to be united; the indestructibles waiting to be destroyed at the hands of fate.
Would I still save "us" despite this insight ?
In a heartbeat.


  1. Sigh. You made me depressed kid. :-D
    Stalkers found it a nice way to find out about me which creeped me out even further.
    And that kid just breaks my heat. :-D

  2. There is something called a diary - USE THAT. Blogs are public. Deal with it. :-D

  3. And FYI I can totally relate because she WAS a soulbrother and we both knew it.

  4. One of the reasons I make sure she knows exactly what I am thinking. :-D

  5. Its two years for us and even I know we will always be connected. By putting your emotions in the public domain you confirmed that what I have done is the right thing.

  6. Apne aap ko writer aur debater kehti hain magar tera pyar pyar hain aur dusro ka pyar stalking? Wah wah wah. Shuban Allah!

  7. Basically ALL I am saying is that once you have made yourself vulnerable, you HAVE TO be very tough. :-D

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  9. Personally I have stopped worrying a long time back how I will get misunderstood. The only guarantee is that we WILL get misunderstood. :-D
    Here's a great song from a great film by a child actor who latter in life was reduced to begging on the streets.

  10. And I know for a fact that I would never have the balls to put my name if I ever wrote something so deeply personal. So HUGE amount of kudos and respect for that. :-D

  11. I wonder what to make of this.

    I wonder how wide the gulf between us truly is.

    I wonder if we ever plumb the depths of each others psyche or do we just scratch the surface and feel happy.

    I wonder quite a lot S.

  12. Kid, we are ALL the same. We just like to think we are unique and special. :-D
    Happy Diwali

  13. Or to be more accurate, if a reader tells you there is no gap, you better believe it. Reading is mind reading across space and time. :-D

  14. BTW most people would advise you to stop whining. But I kinda agree with you - when the movie itself hasn't started how can it end? :-D I would guess he ran away from the fact that you are TOO MUCH like him. When he still doesn't like somethings in himself how can he embrace the same in you?