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Monday, December 24, 2012

2012, Good fucking Riddance.

With less than a week to go, it's time for the yearly ritual. Step back and take a look at all that's been. Usually I write about people or moments that stood out. This year will barely have either for it's been a blur of bullshit and a truckload of crap that I'd rather just forget and put behind me.

This is one year that shall not be missed. Not in the slightest. I think it's safe to say that it's been the worst I ever saw. Every time I felt I hit rock bottom, it found a way to wind me up further for a greater fall, a deeper pit to wake up in. I've been a whiney little bitch - there's no other way to put it - pining over what I lost, and what I continued to lose in new ways every single day. And now I think it's high time I stopped being miserable.

This is what has happened. Sure it isn't what I wanted. And yes, everything has only gotten worse since. Every bridge that I ever built has burned to ashes in front of me. But maybe it's time to build new ones then. It can't possibly be any harder than it's already been.

Yeah, nothing happy feels even half as good without you but then maybe it's just not supposed to. I am accepting my fate now and not fighting the odds. I am tired. I'm allowed to get tired right ? I am also allowed to give up. On you, on us and on my dreams.
I wish this wasn't how it was. I wish I could go on living in my little bubble. But it's time to stick the needle in it. So long and thanks for all the fish.

Among other things I do need to mention a few people. Mom and Dad - who continue to surprise me with the level of love they have for me. I'm truly blessed to have them in my life. They were why 2009 wasn't half as bad and this shitty year was, because I'm not home and don't get to be with them. They know how to keep me sane in this world of insanity and their hugs have the ability to calm down my reckless nerves. I've missed you both and I've realized how life would be nothing without you in it. Next in line will obviously be Priyamvada, who has tried to believe in me despite the amount of crap and ranting I put her through. I am glad that we've seen this year through, like the seven before it and I hope to ensure the next one is nothing like this. Another person who deserves a big, gigantic thank you is Mr. X (reserving the name), for trying to fix a broken me and making me believe that I'm not damaged beyond repair. You're the best thing that happened to me this year.
Among the new friends section I think there's just one name worthy of a mention. Aadhar. You know why don't you my love ? *wink* 
But I'll say all the uncensored details anyway. For thinking of me with everything United related and taking the trouble to try and feed my book addiction and following my story idea's popularity even more closely than me and managing to put a smile on my face in times I thought it impossible and coming out of nowhere (literally) to become an important part of my day. This is the only time I'm going to say it so save the page and take a mental picture to hang in your living room and show your kids, but thank you for the late nights and the wake up calls and everything in between.

As for all the old names - Abhinav, for somehow managing to get even more under my skin than before. You sir are the one thing I'll miss most about Philippines (yes! Though certainly after the cheap alcohol and smokes :P). Shail, for finally letting me in and becoming the elder sister I always imagined her to be. The whole CRACKD jingbang for the random silliness and outbursts of love. Noriel, for being my only friend in class and finding it in his heart to see me for what I am and not what these people make me out to be. And lastly, Anirudh; for managing to be honest every once in a blue moon. It wasn't nearly enough but it's fine. If you'd rather everything stay buried under a pile of pretence and we live on running away from the perfection at hand's reach, then I'm finally on the same page as you. Forgive me for continuing to love you like I did. My lips will never form those words again.

It might have had more downs than ups this year, but it was a ride nonetheless. I shall remember you 2012. For taking my smile and turning into something I don't recognise anymore. THIS has been rock bottom. And now finally there's no way but up.

"From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

34 comments:

  1. There's this very sappy Shania Twain song called 'Up'. But it's the only thing I could think of while reading this. There really is no way but up from here. :)
    You will have a brilliant 2013. You know it, I know it. Hang in there lil one :*

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    1. Haha. So funny ki i'm the little one unib0versally now :P
      But thank you ju. I am sure this will be a great year.

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  2. Twas quite a year. You may have some weird/unexpected experiences, but I guess that might have taught us something or the other.

    Well, Happy New Year. Have a great year ahead and I hope that everything will make you happy this year.

    Let me rephrase the last lines -
    "From the ashes.....
    ... The crownless again shall be Queen".
    :P

    Hmm.. I sound lame. :/
    Anyway, as ^ Juhi says.. Hang in there, hmm..er.. Big one.
    Felt everybody is calling you the same. So, just for a change. :P

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    1. Well, very frankly I'm just tired of all the 'lessons' life has to teach and I'd be ever s happy if it accepted me as a diplomate or something already :P
      The queen bit was lame :P but happy new year to you too Ajay :)
      Lol, could have conjured up something better but whoakay :P

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    2. In that case, you can teach other people the lessons you learnt to avoid falling in that trap or whatever it is. #JustSaying :P
      But unfortunately, Life doesn't see that in a people.

      Yeah, agreed. Sry. :P
      Thank you. :)

      Yeah, That was lame too. :( . Well, lets stick to the Universal one. :P

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    3. Haha sure thing. This blog was set up with the very aim, didn't you know? :P
      Yes, little one kinda has a nice ring to it somehow. Or maybe I'm just very fond of the people who have called me that in the past :)

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    4. I know now. :D

      'Little one', it is then - Universally acceptable. :P

      But for a whole lot people you are elder(hmm..er..in age & like in this case, Me) and calling that would be inappropriate, i thought. That's why I tried changing. But anyway, that turned out be lame. :P

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    5. Really ? You're younger than me ? Why do I find that hard to believe somehow ?
      And well, change is welcome as long as it's not outright juvenile bordering on sad :P

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    6. Yeah, I thought so. Wait.. ! Am I not? *Crosses finger* :P
      Btw don't get sidelined by looking at the profile picture. Thats' totally deceiving. A guy in a hat - ..Pftt.. Who am I kidding? I am just 21. :P

      Anyways, if I am not, I tried for the other people who are younger than you.

      Not outright junevile bordering on sad Got it :P .
      But, Guess what, seems like I am too bad to inventing something new. :P

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    7. Erm, we'll have to go into the details of the exact date and month now for even I'm 21 :P
      And actually one of the people to call me that is two years younger to me. He feels that makes no difference for I am 'such a big baby' *shakes head*
      Keep trying, keep trying, till you succeed. I'll sit back and enjoy myself with a bucket of popcorn till then. LOL

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    8. What! No Kidding? Damn. I was wrong after all. :(
      My Birthday is due 2 days from today. :P

      Well, I've to agree with 'such a big baby' thing. :P

      I will try, but that changes everything - You being 21. :D
      Come on, you can tell your real age. I won't tell anyone. I promise. :P

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    9. Haha. Nineteenth? Hah, I'm younger. I'm a summer baby :D
      And what the hell ? You barely even know me :P
      How does it change everything ? Kindly elaborate. Fuck how old did you think I was moron ?

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    10. Yeah, 19th.

      And you are right. I barely even know you.

      May be 22 or 23. :P
      Because then your universal standard name would be applicable and you don't have to get a bucket of popcorn. :D

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    11. BTW, I am Sry, if I said anything wrong/out of line.

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    12. Oh then what are your 'big' plans for the eve ?
      Heh, it's fine. No offence taken.

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    13. 'Big' plans you say? And that to be for the eve ?
      I don't usually have plans for my b'day itself.
      So, No plans.
      And I am hoping my friends don't find out about it till tomorrow morning.

      But, thanks for asking. :D

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    14. Oh damn you're one of those then. The ones who underplay their birthday.
      Well, I'm going to wish you all the luck in the world and a truckload of joy for tomorrow. Have a good one big boy :P :)

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    15. There are other people like me? :P
      That's very nice of you.

      Thanks a Lot , hmm.. little one :P :D

      Delete
  3. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOY!!!
    Sadly there are a few others like you (actually, a lot) :P but fear not. New day, new start. Go dazzle :P

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  4. Why, Thank You. :)

    A lot, huh? That's like too many of Me. :P

    Hmm... Thanks for the inspiration. Will try to. :D

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    1. Heh. Are you always online ? You make me feel tardy with my replies :P
      And on your birthday moreover! Phew :P

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    2. Yeah, Practically I am always online. :D
      Well, don't be. You can reply whenever you are free. :P

      Haha. It is just another day. :P

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    3. Lol, thanks for the consideration champ :P
      Ah I'll have to prove you wrong now by over drinking myself. Tch, the things I do :P

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    4. haha. You are welcome. :P

      Lol. Well, You don't have to drink to prove that. There a lot other things. You see, drinking is not that good for health. :P

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    5. Oh my god. And you call me the baby? "Drinking is not good or your health." Why don't you go for a protest march on the same or something while I down a few in your honour :P
      You see, I only intend to live once :P so might as well fuck it up right :P

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    6. Well, I wasn't calling you anything. I was just saying the fact that usually most people tell. :P
      I would like to go for a march but nobody cares. :(

      Very well said. :)
      When we live only once, we better do it right. :P
      *Cheers* [Btw, I am drinking coke. :P ]

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    7. You do know how to play with words, don't you :P
      Naah, that's much too boring.
      And I did live up to my promise btw ;)

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    8. No. But, I just try my best. :P

      Oh, so you did. Great. :D
      And the reason might be, if I may know? :P
      I mean it was some casual Saturday routine or there was some reason behind? #JustCurious :P

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    9. Haha, good enough then.
      Yes and did I not tell you the reason beforehand (though alcohol needs to reason but still).. a certain old man becoming older :P

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    10. Thanks . :P

      Come on, Old man ? Becoming older?
      I am 22 years young. :P
      See, the word 'young' there which means I am still young. #NoKidding :P

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    11. God, look at how much of a nerve I touch :P
      just because you have touched this certain number before me :P

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    12. LOL. :P

      You will touch the same number in no time... :P
      Btw how far is that ? :P #JustAsking

      Delete
  5. Heh, it's as far as July. So HAH. :P

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