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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Today's going to be another one of those insignificant banters where I just rant and rant because nothing in the world makes sense anymore and the only thing that does is me punching into this keyboard and hearing pounding music in my ears, music that sets me ablaze and make me want to burn out with it's thrashing. Today this is being done by Metallica and Alter Bridge. The more I read, the more I realize I don't have what it takes to write well enough. About love, life, friendship, anything. The words do come to me but not like they should.. not as well as they should. Bah, I will not go into self-pity as a writer!

I looked over an online site for Zippos and I have finally narrowed it down to three.. actually two. I finally am getting close to my dream of owning one but then again it'll be a long time before I actually get one. or maybe not. If things go as planned, I might just be in Manila for a bit in July. There's just a shred of hope, going as my finances are going but well if there's any hope at all, I need to cling to it with my dear life.

Things have kind of started to fall in place before bursting up in my face I think. Because when I finally start getting to my happy place, they do inevitably blow up in my face. Whatever. Ugh.

Punch punch punch some more keys till it starts to make sense. The purpose and the goal and the destination too. It will eventually clear out, this blur, and I will see right again. I need some perspective to dawn on me so I can decide what I want and need in life and the thin line of difference between the two.

And what I sincerely need to do is work out a way to make the people who love me, happy. I am letting everyone down, one by one and it's getting on my nerves now. I did not grow up to be a disappointment! I refuse to be one. Absolutely not. I need the remarks and judgements to stop so that I can show you what I'm made of, once and for all. I love you man.. I'm not saying it today because I don't have it in me, but you know it as well as I do, that I do. Believe in it, believe in me. Please. I need you to, now more than ever.

Note to self: Enter Sandman - truly beautiful. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

This suddenly makes so much sense.

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.
-Rumi

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

X&Y

X: Tell me something baby.
Y: What?
X: Something you shouldn't.
Y: I love you?
X: Something more..
Y: I love you more than her..
X: No...
Y: I love you more than myself!
X: -looks away-, it's not a joke
Y: Baby..
X: No.
Y: Delilah?
X: -sighs-
Y: Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I finally find, you and I collide.
X: -smiles-
Y: And I always thought 'iloveyou' was the foolproof way to make you smile...

Monday, May 23, 2011

It's easier to be alone.

I quote Meredith Grey here and somehow it makes so much sense as to what she says. You never want love, you don't ask for it. But then you get it. Now begins the tricky part. What do you do with it? Do you keep it or ignore it like it never happened to you? We all resist. We build walls around us. Tie ourselves in chains of self-defence but one day we let it all go. For that love. But then what if we get used to it? This love. What if we grow fond of it and addicted to it? What if we realize we can't live without it? And then what if we have to let it go. It's like death. Only worse. Because death ends. This, is permanent.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Rhymes.

Achievements at times cut across like daggers through the past,
But they too will never last,
Just like the memories which,
Have left me trapped me in a cast.

Meaningful yet so meaningless,
And as you took off my dress,
My lips upon yours did press,
Feeling even your slightest caress.

Shiny medals and a certificate or two,
Could never be compared to you,
Or us or what we built; so new,
And yet something shared by such few.

Longing and crashing into those arms,
And ignoring every and each alarm,
Walking instead with you in those farms,
Me and you and us and our charm.

I've won not few but races a many,
And I'll deal in dollars and not just a penny,
Because this is us and not just any,
Mere, meaningless cacophony.

So you win more battles and I'll fight more wars..
Alongside everything else we'll ignore..
And you build that shiny castle, and spread your wings..
Because after the winter, we'll have our spring.
And as I shiver through this winter, I'll wait for the spring
Because I know, what it will bring
A day if not an eternity of us..
Just me and you.. this time no one plus.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Another fourteenth.

There's something different about this one, don't you see?
There's something different about us, or is it just me?

I met you and you changed me as a person. You didn't take too long. But you completely changed the person that lived inside me. Maybe you destroyed me or maybe you just shook me and woke the real me up. I owe you for that. I owe a lot to you. Mostly memories that'll last long after I'm gone. But that's the thing. I'll never be gone. I will hold on and wait baby. For as long as it takes.

That's a promise I made and I never go back on promises.
I'll never forget this date. This was the onset of something incredible and life-changing.
I've marked it in my mental calendar forever. I've etched you forever baby.
And forever is a long time I know.


Friday, May 6, 2011

Why must I like all that is wrong?
And why must I be made to give it up?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Sorry.

I warned you I'd kill us.
I told you I kill everything I touch.
But I outdid myself by killing you too.
And as our corpses walk on into this world, half alive, half pretending to be, the other half can't help but wonder what it would feel like to live again, really live this time.