Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
1. I love typing. The words seemingly come to me better with a keyboard. Letters, syllables phrases, sentences just have a way of forming themselves while my fingers type whatever it is that my brain is thinking at the moment; at times I feel it’s all so well co-coordinated that I myself realise my emotions only once I’ve put them on paper. At times when I don’t know what exactly is on my mind, I sit down to write, and sooner or later I do find out.
2. I love music. Words hurt, music heals. At times it’s so good to know that another person has gone through the exact same as I’m going through now. It’s so easy to lose myself in the words, in the beats. It’s surreal. I listen to repetitive music, you can call me a conservative but I like listening to something I’m at peace with. Something that helps me discover a part of me.
3. I love reading. It’s a whole new world, where my existence is immaterial. I’m going through a fast-forward version of someone else’s life. Which may or may not be better than mine but it’s rarely the same so there’s a thrill, an excitement to find out what happens next. I hate putting down a book that I’m reading; almost as if it’s movie playing and I’ll miss it if I engage myself in something else. The characters, the plot, the very imagination of the writer to me in enthralling. To be able to create a world apart from my own, a vivid one at that, in front of my eyes, is the most difficult task a writer is set to and yet, the most exhilarating.
4. I love the internet. I shall forever be indebted for the creation of internet, because it is truly man’s best creation according to me. It helps me be with my friends mentally even when I can’t be with them physically. It helps me stay in touch, it helps me be me. It’s funny but I feel paralyzed without signing in once a day. It’s like I feel incomplete until I’ve opened my mail everyday. That’s what helps me carry on when everyone and everything starts seeming so distant.
5. I love me. Yes contrary to public belief, on most days I am in love with the person I am. I used to hate being me, living up to my name, my image that I’d created. I’d started hating stretching myself just to prove myself every time. But I like me, way more than anything else. I can look in a mirror all day, making faces. I can do just about nothing all day and still be happy with myself. I can cry and whine and throw a tantrum over the most insignificant things but I can also care, understand, laugh, not-give-a-fuck and yet love and support you more than anyone else. I can party kick-ass if you want a Paris Hilton. I can be totally mute if you need a listening ear. I can make you feel very good or very bad about yourself. I can give you the right advice, the appropriate advice and also the most reasonable one. I can be totally mad or totally sober, whichever you may please.
So yes, I know you all think I’m a compulsive-depressive-pessimist but no baby.
I love being the multiple, multi-tasking person that I am; I’d be pretty bored of being plain-Jane, repetitive, monotonous and predictable all the time. I hate predictability man. So you’ll never know my next move unless I let you in on my evil plans! :D
Cheers to nineteen years of being a true case of multiple-personality-disorder.
I was, am, and for forever more shall be, the maddest girl you ever came across, but also the most unique.
Most people were raised to believe they are just as good as the next person.
I was always told, I was better.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
You taught me these words, these alphabets and yet when I am to write to you, I find myself at a loss. I feel nothing I ever write will come even remotely close to what I want to say. Neither do I have the vocabulary, nor do my words have the power to get across the intensity of my emotions.
I think I should start by thank you. For all that you’ve done and continue to do. The standards you set, the principles you believed in and the morals you’ve lived by are enthralling and continue to be difficult to follow. But to see how you’ve never compromised and led life on your terms is something that stirs me.
I find it hard to define perfection. I find it harder to fall in love. So, I am in love with fictional characters. Hence the love of my life has been Howard Roark, a character from The Fountainhead. I never thought I would see a man like him in real life. But you’re someone who comes very damn close Papa. And that for me is the highest degree of compliment I can give a man.
I should come next to sorry. For all the times I disobeyed and disrespected you. I maintain that there were times I was right and you were just unwilling to give in. But well even then, I should have been the one to give in. The sort of arguments and discussions we have had, you and I, are unparalleled in a father-daughter history. I have truly had the freedom of speech.
You always stood by your word. A promise made by you was never broken. I am where I am because you are a man of his word (except when it comes to quitting cigarettes, LOL). You’ve appreciated honesty, inculcated courage and always, always had my back.
The only thing that’s ever broken you is me. The only thing that’s gotten tears in your eyes would again be me. I used to cry for hours when you called me a disappointment. But as I add another year to my life I realize I was precisely that for a man like you. You raised me to be an extraordinary person, and as of now I am nothing but ordinary. If I grow up to be even half of what you are, I would be truly happy.
I used to feel always that if I could, I would change a million things about you. And yet, today there is nothing I’d want different. I’d want you to be as strong and strict and hard. I’d want you as my father in every birth. There isn’t a safety net quite like you, anywhere in the world.
Your mails, your letters, your “what’s-up beta”, your smileys, your calls, your voice.. they make me ecstatic; they make me strong. You make me who I am. You’re a part of me, you’re with me everywhere I go. You’re the reason I go on. I can’t quit on you, ever again. The immeasurable pain I’ve caused you can’t be taken back but I want to do everything in my power to make sure I never cause it again.
My friends call you Hitler. I don’t disagree. But then I don’t mind being your Nazi. For life.
I Love You.