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Thursday, October 28, 2010

random bullshit.

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
That's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
That's alright, because I love the way you lie."

The entire song speaks to me, as Eminem always does, but these particular lines sum up every person of my life for me, barring a few, very few exceptions the top of which would be my parents of course. Ma and Papa, in that order. But the rest of the world has just zoomed by at an awfully high speed and left my life ruffled in the process. It's funny why I write of it at an odd time like this after a few pretty neat days with my flatmates and a great night too. But well, music does that to me.

Takes me to different levels and then leaves me there and I just have to hit earth on my own and somehow the fall back is never nice. At times, even the elevation isn't but it's the only way for me to come to terms with my feelings which were always there inside but didn't surface up until now.

It's odd when you feel lonely for no reason at all. Or maybe the whole universe has always made you out to be a loner at the inside. Maybe a part of me always will be just that. An ungrateful bitch who can't break the shell that's built on the outside. But people have peeled off that shell in the past and made me melt. Only, the melting led to a dissolution of my existence completely so much so that I was living for them, and not me.

Everytime I thought this is it I was proven wrong by fate, destiny, luck, whatever the fuck you want to call it. My life has been a punchline to a seriously disturbing joke. Boys are jerks, I get that, I sort of even expect that. Girls are bitches, I know that at some level. But then why do I still expect something, anything different? Because I crave for that person, my one person.

I think I know who it is too.
But I don't think she knows it, and that's what is funny. How I attach everything to a person without them even realizing it.
I want us to be a closed circle. You know the sorts in which you do anything and it's okay. I want to be the one she turns to. I want to for once know that she's an exception that I imagine her to be. Because I don't just want an exception, I want her to be the exception.

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