I am in love. yes the very word that I mull over so often and so much. the very word whose existence I debate. the very word which I equate with bullshit and crap and unreal and illusionary. that very love. I am in fucking love with Grey's Anatomy.
like can anyone love something virtual so much? enough to worship it? to miss nights of sleep over it? to actually want to be a part of their mess? Because I do.
You know what I do everytime I am losing focus or becoming uncertain as to my purpose in life or as to what it is that I really want to do. No, I do do the whole routine where I think but then there's this other thing, when I have formed it in my head that I want to be a doctor. Yes, that's when I switch on Grey's and watch it until the seasons run out and maybe even after. I'd watch reruns or old episodes that stood out to me, anything to get me connected to that show, to link me to a drama that is so much my reality.
Like I can feel the pace, I can feel my pulse quicken with every case that enters the ER ward, I can feel the tears when one of the patients I grew fond of dies, I feel the pressure of saving lives without so much as holding a scalpel. I feel it all, in one beat. There's nothing I don't like about that show. I know people outgrew it and tagged it monotonous but it never is. Each day is different, and yet there is one constant. Medicine.
I know it's a little melodramatic but come on how else do you expect it to make an impact? The crash carts, the MRIs, the clinical trials, they're all not just a thing of fantasy. These things happen. They happen to real, actual people. More often than not doctors witness deaths rather than Medical miracles. They may make history, some day far far away from the onset of their practice, yes they may, but chances are that they will lose lives along the way.
But they mean it when they say, we did everything we could. I know people disregard the show and say it's too much drama for real life. But I've heard a doctor get shot. Actually heard it at the crack of dawn because he couldn't save his patient's life. And that sentence seemed fake to the angry father. But honestly, there is nothing that a doctor doesn't do, he does everything in his power to save every life. How does somebody have the audacity to question that? I mean they're here to save lives people!
Why doesn't then, the world bow down in front of Doctors? why aren't they like, placed on pedestals or something and worshiped? Because frankly I would worship a person who saved someone's life. And not just once. They do it over and over again. Like the only people I have more respect for are people in The Military. Since they actually kill themselves in the process. Coming back, however why is the society not in awe of what a fucking big deal doctors are. Weird world, this.
Also, I can't believe that I'm normal since this one show cannot possibly make me think so much. Feel so much. All at once. it clutters me up and yet it guides me home. in a weird way, it breaks me only to help me get fixed again. It helps me find my way. It's funny how a soap opera is life changing for me. Yes, that makes me a odd person.
The odd person that is inspired to be a doctor because of a television soap.
Well what can I say?
Alcohol is no remedy and yet it's a cure to few
Love and it's sick metaphors also have many a hue,
Nicotine works for some, others like a cocaine.
Me? Well I just like a bullet to cure my pain.