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Thursday, September 23, 2010

heavy words, these.


They say pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that cause it, heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be manage but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

The funny things is I feel the same about hope. Like no matter how wrong things go, you always hope. You hope for the newer, the better. You hope for what you don't have, you hope for what you have to stay the way it is.

Love is contradictory. Like it's a one syllable word I will never be able to comprehend which is a major flaw as a writer, if I may take the liberty of calling myself one. We're all made to believe in this emotion since day one only for us to realize later that it's all a chemically-defined, hormone-controlled feeling, no different from hunger or thirst. But is that it? Hormones responsible for how someone sweeps you off your feet? Chemicals for that sinking sensation when somebody says I love you? Again as I said, it may be true but we hope it's not. Hope my friend, is a funny thing. It leads you into believing things that may not even exist.

Which brings me to the last word, faith. Faith is something we all need to have, it's something that makes us rock solid inside. I have faith I will do well in life. I have faith I will be loved. I have faith that someone's watching over me, across all this distance. These are just illogical connotations in my head but they're what get me through. I need faith, not as a crutch but as a pillar to support me when my legs give way. I need faith to pick me up when I'm out cold on the floor. I need faith, to be miles away from everyone I love and still believe that they love me the same. And I definitely need faith to think that love will find its way to me after the disasters it has caused me in the past.

Faith, at the end of the day is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

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