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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Letter from a Daughter to her Father

You taught me these words, these alphabets and yet when I am to write to you, I find myself at a loss. I feel nothing I ever write will come even remotely close to what I want to say. Neither do I have the vocabulary, nor do my words have the power to get across the intensity of my emotions.

I think I should start by thank you. For all that you’ve done and continue to do. The standards you set, the principles you believed in and the morals you’ve lived by are enthralling and continue to be difficult to follow. But to see how you’ve never compromised and led life on your terms is something that stirs me.

I find it hard to define perfection. I find it harder to fall in love. So, I am in love with fictional characters. Hence the love of my life has been Howard Roark, a character from The Fountainhead. I never thought I would see a man like him in real life. But you’re someone who comes very damn close Papa. And that for me is the highest degree of compliment I can give a man.

I should come next to sorry. For all the times I disobeyed and disrespected you. I maintain that there were times I was right and you were just unwilling to give in. But well even then, I should have been the one to give in. The sort of arguments and discussions we have had, you and I, are unparalleled in a father-daughter history. I have truly had the freedom of speech.

You always stood by your word. A promise made by you was never broken. I am where I am because you are a man of his word (except when it comes to quitting cigarettes, LOL). You’ve appreciated honesty, inculcated courage and always, always had my back.

The only thing that’s ever broken you is me. The only thing that’s gotten tears in your eyes would again be me. I used to cry for hours when you called me a disappointment. But as I add another year to my life I realize I was precisely that for a man like you. You raised me to be an extraordinary person, and as of now I am nothing but ordinary. If I grow up to be even half of what you are, I would be truly happy.

I used to feel always that if I could, I would change a million things about you. And yet, today there is nothing I’d want different. I’d want you to be as strong and strict and hard. I’d want you as my father in every birth. There isn’t a safety net quite like you, anywhere in the world.

Your mails, your letters, your “what’s-up beta”, your smileys, your calls, your voice.. they make me ecstatic; they make me strong. You make me who I am. You’re a part of me, you’re with me everywhere I go. You’re the reason I go on. I can’t quit on you, ever again. The immeasurable pain I’ve caused you can’t be taken back but I want to do everything in my power to make sure I never cause it again.

My friends call you Hitler. I don’t disagree. But then I don’t mind being your Nazi. For life.

I Love You.

1 comment:

  1. I am overwhelmed by your thoughts and mature writing. Personally I believe that I could have been better. I love you beta

    ReplyDelete