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Friday, December 23, 2011

To the year that was.

So it's December and about time I stepped back and reminisced a little about the year that's almost over, and be grateful. December's like my own personal thanksgiving (and despite Murphy, I do have a lot to be thankful for) and even though I've lost somethings, I still have others. Instead of acknowledging people this year, I'm doing dates which made me happy/sad beyond measure or left an impact in general. Anyone who doesn't know me, disclaimer, this might make for a boring read. However if you do know me, or once did, read along.

:Timeline 2011:
1st Jan: For my Parents. I can't think of a better date to get married. The whole world celebrates it, literally. And as anti the whole institution of an indian marriage as I am, it gives me immense happiness that my parents completed x number of years together. It's been quite a journey. Loveyoubothtobits!

14th Jan: For Sankrant, among other things. My favourite sankrant till date and the best last day I could have asked for after a brilliant vacation. Thankyou, you. For one month of smiles and an almost surprise (sorry it's just impossible to surprise me completely :P)

22nd Jan: For Rastogi, the complete asshole that he is. He turned godknowshowoldthisday (uncle!). He gets more irritating by the day but he'll always be something to me. What that something is, neither of us knows but whatever it is, I'm glad he's a part of my dramatic life. He adds humour to the tale, and a considerable amount of it at that.

14th Feb: For Snigdha. This is when after a lot of inboxing, we started becoming closer than ever and it became a necessity to talk to each other everyday or something just felt amiss. It's still a necessity. I hope the love and the gossip never dies :P


9th March: For Garv. We finally became normal and let go. You were my first and nothing can take that away. We're not one of those tragic couples anymore who forget everything when they break up. We remember and we smile, at last. Thank you for realizing I'm not half as bad as I come off at most times. And welcome back to my life.

7th April: For that Manila thief. It hit me that I'm just a stranger here and always will be. This is not my place, not my people and when I scream for help, nobody's got my back. I need to have my guard up, even in my sleep.

13th April: For India and seeing a loved one. The first breath of my country and I'm done for. The heat, the squabble, the indian rubber time. There's nothing like coming back. And nothing like coming to meet someone. Everything, every fight can dissolve, just if I get to see you and hug you.

14th April: For The Scientist. It'll be my favourite moment when I was asked, "So, can I have this dance?" and the soundtrack was my favourite song in the world by Chris Martin. It still is like having found the missing part of an impossible puzzle. Five minutes, three seconds of untainted, unconditional, pure, unasked bliss. Because sometimes people may surprise you and sometimes, just sometimes they may even take your breath away.

15th April: For Papa. I surprised him on this date and his expression was classic, so worth all the trouble I went through. He couldn't believe I was actually there, right in front of him and was truly stumped. I love you Dad, you're my hero, forever.

18th April: For Anirudh. He came into my life like a strong breeze, left everything in disarray and toppled my world upside down. This is the date I knew he'd always mean something to me, despite the jerk he is. Because he knows the worst things about me and it's somehow still okay.

23rd April: For Love. When I felt I was incapable of being loved, for letting me know you did love me despite rules and lines and conditions and boundaries and other immaterial things. I needed it.

27th April: For a non-teary Goodbye to Jaipur. This is the last I saw of Mom, Dad and Doll. No tears. And it's just such a happy image in my head. We have grown up it seems, eh Doll? It led to a perfect airport day and an easy farewell in general. Your smiles give me strength.

28th April: For realization and the inability to voice it, just yet. But then more than words is all it takes at times..


1st May: For the ILoveYou. There's more to add here but just these three words, however over-used or un-felt, they meant the world to me, even if I was a coward to tell you how much exactly.

24th May: For the Last Goodbye.
'Jisko hai kho jaana, woh milta hi kyun hai?'
I didn't know it then but it really was the end of a friendship and an affection that had lasted across distance for years. Love is temporary, I always knew that, but you proved friendship and promises are too. Thanks for helping me learn a known lesson I'd forgotten.

25th May: For Life. Despite everything, I'm glad something went wrong two years back, and that I lived to see this day. Having seen an almost end makes me stronger and ensures I never bail out on life again. Not till I've made something of myself atleast and put a gigantic grin of pride on my parents' faces.


18th June: For Facebook's Relationship Status option :P
I didn't know I'd ever have what it takes to tell the world, fuck you all, I love him and nothing else matters. A commitment phobe actually went public. What have you done to me Tiwari? :P

21st June: For Medicine. I will prove the world wrong. I will be a good, no scratch that, I will be an awesome doctor. My reasons remain mine alone but this promise I shall keep, you'll see.

1st July: For Kartik, a friend I used to have. He was one of the best guys I ever knew and he stood by me through a lot of shit. (Probably because he didn't know the details about a lot of it now I feel, but still). He was my first dancing partner, my favourite guy friend, and someone who was my permanent emergency dial since I trusted him with my life. I don't know where I lost him but the boy I knew and loved, isn't there anymore. But this friend I lost? He was one of the best and whatever time we did get to spend together, I'm grateful for it and for him. I told him once, "you're one of the good ones you know." He really was. And the first of every July, I'll think of the friend I had and this memory of him that nothing can taint.

8th July: For Birthdays. I love them. I used to love planning for them and buying ohsomany gifts and making huge ass cards and writing trashy emo letters and and, faking being surprised when people tried desperately over the years to give me one. Heh. Since I wrote a post thanking everyone who made it special at the time, this sums it up. Eight means meee :D
Ps. Just because I'm not around doesn't mean you guys don't owe me presents bytheway :P

15th July: For Adhiraj 2. The sweet boy that he is and the friend that he became after a half-shared menthol and some twenty minutes of a ride together. I don't say it often but you're someone I care about. Always will :)

21st July: For Soulmates. I'm glad they exist and I'm glad I found mine. That's what you are and that's what you'll always be. Even when we've grown real old, I'll introduce you as this and make you do the same if all the hallucinogens in the world make you forget that :P
Oh and you better keep that room for me in your house or you're dead meat.


7th August: For Noriel. My pretty much only friend in class. For making lectures a little bearable and helping me out in keeping me informed about what the fuck is up in college! It would be even harder if he wasn't around and he probably won't be next year. And I know how it works, people don't exactly stay in touch but I'll miss him. A whole lot.
Ps. Also, for not hitting on me! Phew.


18th September: For Exclusivity. Because the thought of having to share you kills me; even though you'll always be mine in a way you can never be anybody else's. And even though this is the hardest thing I'll ever do, I will wait for you.

19th September: For Shail, my Yang.
All those times when she thinks her words don't have an impact on me, they actually do. She reads all the crap I write, she awkwardly hugs me back when I randomly envelope her in my arms, she stands up for me, she takes me for a younger sister and gives me someone to look up to, she patiently listens to me whine and she kind of even spoils me. We watch sitcoms together, smoke together, drink together. We're pretty much stuck together :P
And I love the fact that I'm stuck to her of all people.


14th October: For Tears. I'm not really used to people standing up for me, much less people wanting to dislocate someone's jawline on account of my tears. So when I saw him have my back, it felt nice to have someone give a fuck for a change.

15th October: For Acceptance. The people you grew up with, people you stood up for, people you were fond of, can let you down. They can choose to move on and lead a life without you, without even fighting for you (for totally useless reasons bytheway) and you just have to accept it and move the fuck on.

18th October: For the Greater Good. At times someone else's happiness is more important and even if what makes them happy, stabs at you a little bit every day at the very core of your heart, you have to be okay with it. So if me being a little dejected and miserable means you smiling more and not feeling choked by demands then so be it. 'Whatever makes you happy.. Whatever you want..'

2nd November: For my childhood fantasy, ShahRukh Khan. I pledge you my unwavering and undying support, no matter how many RA.Ones you make :P
(Though please don't?)

3rd November: For Adhiraj Singh Rathore, jackass number one. We've been through a lot together and seen each other at our best and worst. We may talk once a month or even lesser but I'm fond of him and he makes me smile for some unknown, unexplained reason. For being my evil-twin, and someone I can't get mad at and who can't stay pissed with me, and my promised EMA. Till death do us part, literally :P

4th November: For Ma. Last year I got myself inked and this year I didn't quite know what to do with myself or for her since nothing and no words will ever be enough. Except maybe the cliché iloveyou. For being my strength,
my mentor, my guide and my friend. There is no one like you across this entire universe. True story.

11th November: For Long-Distance Phone calls. Special thanks, Priyanshi, Radha and Tyagi. Unexpected calls just to hear my voice make my day so much that you wouldn't know. We can obviously never talk enough and my stories are truly unending but even when you call me for five minutes just to see how I'm doing or to say, "heyyy shiwomeee", it leaves me happy beyond measure.
Ps. All the douches who never call, take a hint, pick that phone, dial those digits.

19th November: For Shreiya. We lost touch this year and this is the date, she wrote to me and everything fell into place. The UC still prevails baby and I promise you, we'll always catch up where we left off.

27th November: For Girls' Night. It's a must. No matter how awesome boys are, every once in a while we need to lay back and enjoy a drink or two (or many,many more) without them.

2nd December: For Doll. For our eight years of friendship and the fact that she knows how much I love her. A lot of people forget that because of the shit I tend to do, but she doesn't. And that in itself speaks volume about the trust, bond and affection. This was the first birthday apart and trust me it felt weird to the hilt. I don't need blood to make you my sister man, that one old packet of maggie masala was enough.

4th December: For Loss. Things end, people leave, and we have to say goodbye. If nothing then this date, as the many more before has taught me how to bid adieu to someone I love with a heavy heart and wish them a happy future. Even if that future no longer means a 'we' or an 'us'. Because sometimes letting go is the only way to hold on.

14th December: For Memories. Everyone of them I treasure and hold close to me. And when people become a thing of the past, my past, I hold on to these memories even tighter for now that may be all I have left of them. December reeks of home and home equals you, in more ways than one. I remember you, I remember us, for all the good times. Shit happens but our identity is not the circumstances that tore us apart but the love that kept us together even if just for a day, a month or a year.

17th December: For Patience; which they say is a virtue - but it clearly isn't mine. Nevertheless sometimes all you can do is wait and things do fall into place. We may be far from what we want, I'm not even sure we want the same things from each other, but I believe we'll get there some day, wherever it is, even though I'll never do what you want me to and you never listen to me anyway.

25th December: For Christmas.
'I look up, you're standing next to me, what a feeling'..
I'll make for an awesome Santa know? :P

I love this year. I kinda had to.
2011- It adds up to four. Our number. Us.
It's taught me a lot, you've all taught me a lot.
2011 - What a year it's been. Let's see it off in style!

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