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Friday, December 2, 2011

Every moment.

"Somebody told me, this is the place where everything's better and everything's safe."

When we moved to Vaishali, I thought it was a sad, sad decision. It was so far from school, Dad had never liked the safety of the area and none of my friends lived there. I knew it was going to be a long, constant feud with my parents in case of parties and permissions and a lot of other stuff. But I loved the tiny flat somehow, so I didn't complain. Not much anyway. It all happened too fast and by the time I realized, it was actually happening, it was done, we had moved.

I still remember the first time I saw you, you were sitting alone by the window in that Red Roadways Bus. I had a friend or two in that bus already and they acquainted us over a few songs. You didn't speak much, you were the silent kinds but I talked enough for the both of us. Soon, our common love for music, food, shouting at the top of our lungs, standing by the door of the bus, made us friends. Just like that.

Your old friends, my old friends, all faded as slowly yet gradually we started growing closer. Thankfully for us, the annoying ones left the bus and soon it was just us two. Sometimes I'd drag Devanshi out of her bookworm shell and make her sit with us. In time, she learned to enjoy us more than her books as well. Our bond was unexplained and yet, rock solid. We'd argue with everyone but each other somehow, with you I never even have the 'Reddies are better' debate much :P

From early morning breakfast that I'd hand to you, to the after school ice-cream you'd save for me, there were certain unsaid traditions that formed on their own. I came back from class one day whining about no sisters since it was sisters' day the next day. The first thing I saw on you the next day, was a silly little card made out of maggie-masala packets, and a smile which said "you're my sister." And then on, we were sisters. Just like that.

Our traditions ran deep too. You always took the window seat, I took the aisle. When we were standing near the door I took this one corner and you took the other. When we threw chalks at people, I broke the pieces as you aimed and hit, almost never missing. I chose the lame ass songs and you sung them with me. Whether it was a bad morning at home or a terrible day at school, when we were together, it all melted down to nothing. I'd see your tears at times in the morning and rare as they were, you'd usually never tell me why they were rolling down those cheeks. My hand would find yours and in a while, you'd stop to sob. I was different that way. When I cried, I would rant and rant as to why, crying in your chest like a baby and you'd shush me and bitch about whoever it was that made me cry. Somewhere along the line, your shoulder became my favourite in the world, one where all my troubles would end.

When I am asked as to how we became friends by people, I tell them, we shared the same bus and they give me a zapped expression. Whenever I make new friends or meet new people, the first thing they find out about me is my best friend, Doll. I talk about you incessantly now that you're not around. About us, and all the crazy shit we did together (and boy! there's a lot!). My childhood is made of you, so is my adolescence. You stood up for me at a time when it was taboo to even look in my direction. To your seniors, our seniors, whoever the fuck. You made me a part of your group when I was walking around alone with nobody for company. You took my word on everything and supported my most irrational whims and adamant decisions. Everytime Garv was mean, (and that is a countless number), your house is where my steps led me, your digits the number I always dialled. It amazed everyone as to how even after a day spent with you, we still found it in us to talk for hours.

Your house became my home, your family, mine. You've given me so much that I don't think I can ever thank you enough. As for me? I've given you all your crazy memories, all your firsts. I would name them but the list's too long and they are etched in our mind too well anyway. You're still someone I don't mind getting yelled at for, and still my little sister whom nobody else can tell what to do, except me. I believe in your right to life, right to fuck up and fall and then the strength in you to stand up and hold your head high again. Through all of this, I will be there. Yeah doll, I will always be there.

Maybe just in words, for physical presence is an impossible as of now. I am reminded so horribly of last year when we were together, this time. But I promise you, there will come a time, when no matter where I am in the world, I will come to you, every second of december. Because even at your worst, you've been better than every douche, bitch and so-called best friend I've ever known. When we fought and spat venom at each other  you still walked with me and your house was still my comfort zone.

Why do all good things come to an end? I don't know baby.. You've asked me this repeatedly over the years but I can tell you this, there is no end to us. As I quote Kite Runner to you over and over again, I know not which I am, Amir or Hassan for my love for you is pure like the latter's but I am a selfish bitch like the former. I've hurt you when I promised I never would when you only made me love the decision my parents took so long back. You made Vaishali my home. The streets, the coffee shops, the ice-cream parlous, the theaters, every nook and corner of that locality, screams with so many memories and almost all of them, have us.

If I could, I'd write down every moment with you, because they're all so beautiful and cherished. If I could, I'd explain to you just how much I miss you and how my thoughts stay with you. If I could, I'd tell you I take you as my blood, I feel your pain and I would kill for you.

You're my little sister, my person. I love you.
You're there when nobody else is and I'm sorry for I expect a tad too much from you but then it's not my fault really, you've made me too used to the perfection of us.

So Priyamvada, that place where everything's better and everything's safe? It's with you. Anywhere in the world.

Happy Birthday Rats.
I promise you, an eternity of me. And you know I keep my words.

With more love than you can imagine,

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