Here.

You know I plan. It's an inherent habit and not one that bleeds out of my skin ever despite many a lesson by Murphy. I look forward to things enough to jinx them eventually. Over a period of time, this has eventually made me apprehensive. About anything good. But planning is in my bones. It's in the essence of everything I ever do.

It doesn't help when these plans turn to nothing but they give me something to look forward to. And I was looking forward to this wedding a lot, for a long time. Now it'll pass me by, with not so much as a second to remember it by. All those songs we were meant to dance together on, the alcohol I was supposed to sneak in, the tears I was to help you not cry and the hot boys we were to flirt with without being caught doing the same.

Maybe in another lifetime.

I was striding towards December with blinders on until now, but now that it's here, what do I do with it? It brings with it this feeling of an immeasurable loss. Everyone's calling it the Friday of the year. But I know once you finally reach it, Monday's never far behind and it sneaks up on you, sooner than you expect it to.

Have I lost my winter even before it had the chance grace me with it's chills? Have I lost you even before I got to be held in your arms and look in those eyes, one last time? Did I make all these plans, all my life to watch them burn to ashes before they could even come alive?