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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

5 am conversations.

5.30 a.m.
She answers the phone on the fifth ring, and mumbles a hello. She didn't open her eyes or glance at the number, just mentally cursed the person for dialing her digits at such a godforsaken hour.


And now she slaps herself mentally for having ever cursed this call for even a second.

"What's up?"
"Nothing.. Just wanted to hear your voice."

They fall into a pattern and talk until his balance is exhausted. But they're not done yet so she calls back. And they talk until he's too sleepy to form sentences anymore. He took away her sleep but she doesn't complain because she promised to always be there. She whispers somethings and hangs up, unwillingly. And when finally sleep does grace her again, he's her last conscious thought and her first subconscious dream. Because she's convinced that it's not a one-way street and he cares too.


5.21 a.m.
"Don't you ever sleep?"
"Heh.. not much anymore. Um.. how is he?"

She listens to his friend tell her insignificant details about him and tries to conjure up in her head as to how he really must be doing. When she's dying to ask other, more important and meaningful stuff, all she does is listen to these things which are totally immaterial. Because she still cares. That was always her problem. And even though he promised he always would, he's forgotten about her with an ease she thought wasn't possible.


5.43 a.m.
"Goodnight baby.."

Funny enough or maybe it's irony, he's slept already. She's the only one awake and she battles insomnia due to an "unfinished us" as she terms it. I'll kiss you goodmorning when you do wake up, she thinks to herself. Just dream of me and I'll be here when you open you eyes. Because when all of this is over, she knows now she'll still care. And he never did.
So she whispers an iloveyou in her head, gets back to her book, and hugs her bunny a little tighter, trying to tell herself she's not a fool for caring.
Even though she is. Even though she always has been.


  1. Why is it always the guy's fault.. =/

    Why every story a girl writes about a relationship, always portrays herself as a victim..

  2. It's my angle of seeing it. Maybe it's far from true or precisely it but that's how I see it. And maybe just maybe, guys do kinda suck at expressing as much as we'd like..

  3. I disagree.
    Both genders are equally messed up...

    I wonder how does your angle of seeing in effect, accounts for what "he" does after hanging up.

    Why did she not whisper that "I love you" to him, while still on the phone?

    Why is he blamed for that?
    I don't understand the concept of "getting over someone".

    P.S: Kindly do not take any offence is whatever i blabber in here..

  4. I'm really not a feminist, if I come across as that. And no offense taken. Relax, I'm not one of the psycho ones, I can handle a critical comment :P

    She said an iloveyou the first time And the last time, he'd slept. True story. Not just making a point.

    I can't exactly explain getting over or why boys are just way stronger/more insensitive(?) in my head. They can usually just snap out sooner or more easily or atleast that's what I've been led to believe.

  5. Oh No!
    I apologize if I have mistakenly made any lewd comments which suggested that you are a feminist.

    I have come across women who have snap out sooner and way more easily than the guys.
    Guys though have a tendency to keep it quiet and 'emotionless', trust me I know many guys (including me) suffering a shitload within.

    I can assure you, when it comes to a relationship or an emotional turmoil, guys are a weaker sex.. a weakness well hidden from outside by the cover put on by society of " MARD "..

    Also you are not alone in your belief about men.. its this belief that can be troublesome..
    Assumptions are bad.

  6. Yeah, chill. I'm not touchy. You can rip my post apart, line by line and I'll step back and try to see your point of view. Kinda the whole point of blogging right?

    Let's just agree then that we're the sensitive ones from both worlds? Guys stifle down their emotions (or lack thereof) and just tend to move on without a backward glance, maybe because that's what's expected of them, to be "strong" and there have been one too many who have admitted to me that they care, but only till a point, beyond that, they don't really give a fuck. So.

    I'd love to be proven wrong some day. Seriously. I think every romanticist like me would.

  7. Everyone has their biased way of looking at things no matter how much rationale one tries to inject in their thought process.

    I know guys who act like a 'stereotypical girl' and girls who act like a 'stereotypical guy' after a break-up.

    Unfortunately these two kinds end winding up together most of the times (hence an eventual break up).

    As you wait to be proven wrong, I too wait to find the truth in the statement "Not all girls are like that" told to me by many.

    And I wouldn't rip apart your blog post. A constructive argument can take place without murdering your blogpost :p