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Friday, July 1, 2011

Letter to a friend.

At times you close your eyes to the world, you close your eyes to everything and just wish for everything to go back in time and fall into place. The time where your biggest worry was which song finally got picked for the 'final' dance show, who won the game of hide and seek or who got the center spot in the choreography. How did we get here? How did things get so out of hand and out of place?

A part of me knows answers to these questions but that's a part I'm stifling, just for today. For today I write to a friend who became my friend before I knew it and lasted through the test of time. A friend who promised to be there for me, forever and a friend who was always so keen to meet me, who always wanted 'us' time.

Certain things you realize and remember only once they're long gone and a part of your history but the very fact that they existed, once, is somehow solace enough. Forever is too long a time and you should not expect anyone to be around for that long a time. It's not their fault. Promises that are made do not account for the things - big and small - that will happen along the way. Not everything and everyone can withstand cracks.

Nevertheless, that does not take away the fact that we were once friends. In my heart, we always will be. And if nothing else then I will hear your voice for these two minutes, same date, each year. There are traditions in little things, and these traditions I can not let go of. Wishing you is one and will continue to be.

Just for today, I remember you as my friend, just that. The guy I adored before things got so complicated. Just for today I go back in time to that night when we to dinner, the two songs that made the night, the drive that lasted just the right time and the happiness that surrounded us. We were untainted and pure. We were good. And then fourteenth happened.

But that's another story which doesn't feature here. Because even when you do grow up, you never stop playing pretend. You never stop wishing that maybe just some one gesture will make it all alright; Make the good times last forever and the bad memories shrink to nothing. 

You'll always be my friend. Through all our silences, and awkward conversations, and attempts at normalcy, the memory of your friendship will not fade. With time I might learn to live without it, I'm good at that. The little things that made you, you and us, us, may no longer exist and we might grow to be individuals who say years from now, 'I used to have a friend..'

I never wanted the chapter of our lives to have to start with that line. But in case it does, I want you to know, that's not how my story will start. That is not the start I'll ever give us. 

And with this, again we part, like the countless times before but this time I guess it really is goodbye. I thought long and hard of what to get for you for your birthday. And in the end, the answer was simple really. The best present I can give you this year, is a world without me in it. 

So happy birthday my friend.
Have a wonderful day and life ahead of you.

"I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight.. into the shining sun"

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