The onset.

In between all the drags,
There was a wish,
Just one.
For you to be mine,
And time to stand still.
Amongst all those butts of stubbed fags,
There was a desire,
Another 'just one'
To reach the end of time,
And crossover that window sill.

Amongst nightmares and a dream,
The many of the former
The latter - just one.
I tried to hold onto you,
And that faded memory of us.
Stifling the tossing and that scream,
All night, every night
Since and till forever.
I fought each and every blue,
Because I'm sick of being a wuss.

Of all those I knew,
I tried hard to find
Another you.
But they all disappoint me..
Always did..
Made not many; friends are few,
I scan their faces
Their eyes scan mine.
They read them yet let me be..
Discard me as another troubled kid.

He took it all from me,
One dilapidated, casual day
Of my lost childhood.
Snatched the innocence & the genuine smile..
Never to return.
And how I want just to be free,
From this cage he trapped me in
With seemingly no exit door.
And if there is, I haven't found the key for a long while,
All I do, is gradually burn.

I don't know why I took so long,
To give up on god
And other useless, nonsensical things. He was never there; never existed,
Or maybe just not for me.
I don't know how they're still alive, bits of my song.
When the soul is tarnished
Was tarnished, long ago.
You sadist, I was always on your list,
So congratulations, no more of me you'll ever see.