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Sunday, June 5, 2011

Now you're mine, now you're not.

I wish I was there and not here. Because there has you. And here is not good without you. I know me being there wouldn't change anything.. not much anyway.. But I like to believe it would. I like to blame it all on the distance and not you or me. I'd rather believe that, than the fact that we're anything less than perfect- together or apart.. You say all these things and then you do something else.. I don't know what to expect from you.. from us.. Is there even an 'us'?

I went running today too.. Yesterday was for health.. today I needed it.. I needed clarity.. And I ran long and hard and nothing came. My head was blank. My heart was numb. And my body was moving but in uncoordinated motions. There was no sync. I wasn't in sync with myself because I wasn't in sync with you. Music didn't work either.

However if there's one thing time does teach you, it's strength. I didn't let the tears that were brimming my eyes spill. Oh no. The heartache I will feel in my heart alone. I don't cry on the outside anymore. For nothing and nobody. Because I finally believe in Mom's words, "Nobody's ever worth your tears. And the one who is, won't make you cry."

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