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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Today's going to be another one of those insignificant banters where I just rant and rant because nothing in the world makes sense anymore and the only thing that does is me punching into this keyboard and hearing pounding music in my ears, music that sets me ablaze and make me want to burn out with it's thrashing. Today this is being done by Metallica and Alter Bridge. The more I read, the more I realize I don't have what it takes to write well enough. About love, life, friendship, anything. The words do come to me but not like they should.. not as well as they should. Bah, I will not go into self-pity as a writer!

I looked over an online site for Zippos and I have finally narrowed it down to three.. actually two. I finally am getting close to my dream of owning one but then again it'll be a long time before I actually get one. or maybe not. If things go as planned, I might just be in Manila for a bit in July. There's just a shred of hope, going as my finances are going but well if there's any hope at all, I need to cling to it with my dear life.

Things have kind of started to fall in place before bursting up in my face I think. Because when I finally start getting to my happy place, they do inevitably blow up in my face. Whatever. Ugh.

Punch punch punch some more keys till it starts to make sense. The purpose and the goal and the destination too. It will eventually clear out, this blur, and I will see right again. I need some perspective to dawn on me so I can decide what I want and need in life and the thin line of difference between the two.

And what I sincerely need to do is work out a way to make the people who love me, happy. I am letting everyone down, one by one and it's getting on my nerves now. I did not grow up to be a disappointment! I refuse to be one. Absolutely not. I need the remarks and judgements to stop so that I can show you what I'm made of, once and for all. I love you man.. I'm not saying it today because I don't have it in me, but you know it as well as I do, that I do. Believe in it, believe in me. Please. I need you to, now more than ever.

Note to self: Enter Sandman - truly beautiful. 

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