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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

New year resolutions.

What if I were to get alzheimer's some day? If I were to wake up and forget all of you? All of this?
I like to believe that's untrue but what if I am one of the hundred that this disease does strike.
What would I miss knowing the most?

I'd miss not responding to my mother's hug, even though the warmth with which she hugs even a stranger would be enough to want me to hug her back, but still.
I'd miss not being at the other end of a debate with my father and winning, mostly because he lets me and occasionally because I happen to know a shit.
I'd miss not reminiscing about 2008, what a year that was. What a year that'll always be!
I'll especially miss not being Meow. It would kill Rats to look at me and find a stranger stare back at her. I was the only one who always promised to be there and never change and if I were to disappoint her, I know she would never forgive me.
I'd miss not being forever in touch with Shreiya, telling her every tiny detail of my life and listening to hers.
I'd also miss not knowing what the ink on my back reads. Yes, that would kill me and drive me insane.
I'd miss knowing him (2008), and him (2009), AND HIM (2010-eternity?). In that order, and with that much importance.

I would hate being a stranger to all those I love, I would loathe for them to not be able to reach out to me. But I also know that they'd try. I know all the above said, with the exception of two hims and a few others, would give their life trying to bring me back.

That's what distance does. It makes you believe.
When you come back and see how some things have completed changed and how somethings never, ever will, you realize who has got your back. I had a lot of friends and family and relatives when I left, but at some level I was always alone. That's not the case anymore.

I have very few people. And yet, alone is the one thing I'm not.
 - You know who you are, and you know how much I love you with each passing day.
Time might have failed us and december may have flown by, but no matter where I am, December will always remind me of you.

 - I used to be insecure. I can't promise much, at some level I always will be but I have faith now when you tell me you love me, rare as that is, I know how you mean it and I know that words fail you, words fail us, but we'll not fail each other.

 - And you, my love, my Ma, I will make you proud.
This year, I will make you proud.

I may or may not remember this or it or us if I get ill, but when your hands trace mine, when I fit into your hugs and when you keep my head on your shoulder, I'll know that this is where I belong.

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