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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Boys.

My love life, or the lack of it, has led me to pick up my pen again today. This is metaphoric of course since it's my keypad I'm using and my newly vibrating screen that I'm seeing the words appear on.

I hate boys. Like I love them, but I hate them. I am one of those people who've always said that they're cooler human beings, better people and much better friends and I am also the one who says they mess up lives, are the cause of all problems and think with their dick instead of their heart.

I do believe boys make the best of friends. But usually, these friend material boys you never find. And the ones you do, usually fuck it up. The few however who don't are the ones to keep, for life. Because they are the ones who restore my faith in men in general. Because if it weren't for them and my brothers, I would have given up on this community long back.

Admit it, life was so much simpler when boys were enemies we fought with and playmates we weren't too fond of as they liked the ugly GI JOEs more than our pretty barbies! Then they became the cool studs who played football, rode bikes and gelled hair. To make it worse, they even wore perfumes that sent us in a frenzy. They started hanging out with us, introduced us to sarcasm and wit and made us discover a whole new side of us we didn't know could exist.

They took our hands and placed it on their hearts. They kissed our foreheads. They whispered words in our ears. They cracked lame jokes that left us rolling on the floor. They looked with us at the sky above and made us wish for things they promised would come true one day. They knew we wished for them. And they knew they would break our wishes. Then why set us up?

I hate this about boys; this among other things. How they lead you on to something and then take it away. I also hate how nonchalant they are, how supremely unconcerned about us once they're done with us. I hate the speed with which they move on from one girl to the next without a backward glance. But what I hate most is how unpredictable they are, how impossible to comprehend. Everyone marvels at what a girl thinks but I am truly amazed as to how a boy's mind works. What goes on in that devilish chamber? How is he not half as affected as us?

I used to love the carefree nature of boys. I hate it now. How do they let nothing bother them or are they just very good at hiding. How come they can make and break our world.. how can they destroy us without us even scarring them? Why do they make us fall for them with no intention of catching us?

Ignorance is bliss.
No wonder boys live in a blissful world; since they are distinguished at ignoring. They're brutal and cruel, for the want of harsher words. They walk on without a backward glance, they strut with their head held high and they hum a new tune when we are still engraving the lyrics of the first song we sang with them.

why then do we allow them do to this?
This perhaps is the question. And this is why they say they don't understand girls. Because it really in un-understandable as to how girls put up with all of the crap that boys put them through.

Denial.
I think we all live in it. We refuse to believe what stares us in the eye. We refuse to believe that we're the rule. We hope, wish, pray to be the exception. We believe that we will be the girl who changes him, who makes him tell his friends, "She's the one mate". But sooner rather than later, reality has a way sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. There's only so much and for so long that you can pretend. You have to wake up from your dreams to your nightmares. You have to see things for what they really are, you have to see boys for the jerks they are. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. We can't pretend we don't pin our hopes on them just like we can't say we're not let down. Our knights in shining armours have a way of turning out to be losers in aluminium foil. And yet we falter and we fall, for the bad, hurting nobody but us.

Denial.
De-Nile.
It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a fucking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?



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