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Saturday, August 7, 2010

The unknown evades.

Today has been an extremely bad day for me. If you were to ask me why, I wouldn't be able to conjure up an answer because nothing happened. Not on the surface anyway. But something inside me went wrong, very wrong. It's one of those days when you feel hollow for no apparent reason. Hollow, and alone. I feel like I was stumbling towards this day for a long time and now that it's here, I know not what to do with it.

Exams are over. I am supposed to be jumping with joy in the rain puring outside. But somehow the rain seems ominous too. As if the heavens too are weeping. Like something has gone amiss. I need someone right now, more than ever. And I don't even know who. Or what. The chemical balance of my body has probably been disturbed because there's no logical explanation to what I'm feeling really. But then again, when have I ever worked by logic?

when have I ever done what's right? or felt what's right? Or even sensible. My emotions make little sense to me somehow so I doubt they'll make sense to anyone else.

The raindrops are still falling on my windowpane. It's not a pleasant sound. It's like the sound of bullets. Blasting through my head. One shot after the next. With every shot, my heart seems to sink some more and I drown a little more in the ever increasing water around me.

It's getting dark in here.. or maybe the darkness is in my head. But it sure is growing. And taking up every inch of my existence tonight. It's intricate and complex to explain what it is that I'm feeling but it's like, something bad, very bad has happened and something worse is still to come. I wish my able mind could tell me what since my darling heart has been kind enough to fuck me over again.

I'm walking down an empty road and there are no lights or signs to guide me. There's nothing to tell me where I'm going. The road is stained with the tears I've shed and the people I've left behind and yet I'm walking on. I wish I knew why.

I think some people are broken beyond repair. Damaged. Tormented souls who never find peace. Tonight, I am one of them. Yet again.


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