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Monday, May 14, 2012

My shuffle and I.

She was heading back to the city she calls home, from the city of blinding lights that she so adores. They were moving at a steady speed and it annoyed her.. She tapped her feet and clicked her heels.. This world and it's people were too slow for her. All but one.

"Slow dancing in time,
My barren heart and I"

Why couldn't they accelerate? What were they scared of? Why not press the damn thing as far as it goes? Go all the way? Not just waver at the edge. There should be something that you can look back at some day and say, 'I gave it my everything.'

"Your name used to taste so sweet
Then you beat the love right out of me"

Because life takes away everything anyway.
And these happy moments we have are what we steal from life - for us. They never last, they're not even meant to. Perfection lasts only in a parallel, unknown of universe or in a made up paradise.

"It's a mystery how people behave
How we long for a life as a slave"

We are a slave to expectations all our life. From the moment we breathe our first breaths till our last dying gasp, we forget to separate wants from desires from needs. We're bound by invisible chains of fear, insecurity, and a million other things; crippled by our own alter-egos and whims.

"When he kissed me I gladly gave in
To a fight nobody could win"

Did you really think I didn't know the stakes going in? Do you think I'd have bet on just anybody? Not me, you say but I did it anyway. And when you go all in, if you lose, you lose. Some hands are worth the risk. Some people are worth losing for.

"Man, he left me blue
And do you think I couldn't do it too"

But you're my explosive - the one I promised to exercise my greatest deal of care with. For you're my crystal and I couldn't even cause a crack, leave apart even imagine breaking you. You're my explosive - the one I knew would explode eventually and burn me down with it but burning out always meant being on fire once. We were fire.

"I tell you now like I told you before
Love is a powerful force"

You can run but you can't hide from it. When it hits you in your face, there's no escape. You let it take you hostage and keep you for as long as it wants. You don't try and resist because it's pointless really. When you fall, there's no getting up, you just lose yourself to it and accept that it is something all the forces in this world together can't explain. It's without reason and without purpose too but it's still stronger than anything you'll ever feel.

"And it's a mystery how people behave
How we long for a life as a slave
And tumble into any open arms
That will only ever do you harm"

You're the only one who can ever help your cause. I knew that every moment of the steps that I walked towards you - away from my walls and across yours. I didn't know then that there was an impenetrable bubble surrounding you, didn't know then as I walked away from everyone and everything else, setting aside all my arms and warfare that it would mean giving you all the power and being left totally vulnerable and defenceless. That it would mean having to break into you everytime I needed to shatter, coming to you everytime I ran, and giving you a hold over me that only I ever possessed.

"Oh, you, you, it's always you
The best kisser that I ever knew"

Everywhere I turn or look or see. With open eyes or closed. In the dead of the night or at the break of dawn. As a drowsy dreamer or an agile by-stander. All I find everywhere is you. Maybe all I ever want to find is you. My sun, my sea, my rainbow.

"True love is cruel love
Not much to be proud of"

It's the stupidest blunder of your life and once you make it - know there's no going back. It'll rip at your insides at times and be the only thing that comforts you at others. It's a heart-wrenching, pull-out-my-insides, ithinkiwillchoke kind of feeling which will leave your system acidic and parched.

"Nerve-wrecking, acrobatic, backwards bend
All for a happy end"

And there aren't any. Sorry but that's the only truth. No fairytales. No forevers. No princesses. Because in a world where there is all of this, I am his.

"It's a mystery how people behave
How we worry ourselves to the grave"

We forget how much larger life is. That's the thing. Since we're so clueless about what we're doing here in the first place, we're always worried about going wrong. Go wrong. Make a mistake. Live a little. Smile in the face of death, love in the face of hate. Fight for this love. Believe in it. Stand by it. Don't let the world run you. If it was true, it will stay with you. If it was love, you won't need reassurance. And if he was the one, you'll never wish for it to have been any other way.

"When he kissed me I lost everything
Then I got up and did it again"

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