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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Nadaan parindey, ghar aa ja.

When will I not wake up to an empty bed and these ugly walls? When will I learn that to snooze means to lose hours that I'm never getting back? When will I reach out for arms that are reaching back for me? When will I stop checking my phone for a red blinking light? When will I stop waiting for a miracle? When will I stop wishing for something impossible? When will I stop aching for a hug? When will I be kissed like i'm the only pair of lips left in this world? When will I trace somebody's name in the sand that I walk on? When will the glass splinters that I place my feet on each day, hurt less? When will I make a friend that I don't lose to circumstances, or distance, or the difference of gender. When will I stop finding comfort in the magnificent flames that my unsent letters form? When will I look up to see my mother looking down at me, extending a helping hand? When will I hear my name being yelled out in a street by an acquaintance I bumped into? When will my head rest on my best friend's shoulder? When will these rants stop? When will they get over the past and then teach me also how it's done? When will music cease to make me miss people? When will I be forgiven? When will my cellphone flash those ten digits? When will my father not have to take care of my finances? When will I stop questioning every good thing that ever happens to me? When will I stop searching for the right words to tell the people I love, just how much I love them? When will I stop being my worst judge? When will I not see such horrific things in my sleep? When will she hold my hand, tell me it'll all be alright. When will I stop blaming myself? When will everything finally, fall into place? When will I be home, for good? When will someone write "Always" for me? When will the beats in my head become louder than the noise of this world? When will my body fit into someone's so perfectly again? When will I live to see a day in which I don't procrastinate? When will I stop looking for his eyes in every pair of eyes that mine burn? When will I accept I can be loved deeply too? When will I halt to look around me, take it all in and thank the universe instead of curse at it? When will Murphy ignore me like an innocent bystander? When will I be innocent again? When will I read, all that I want to read, see all that needs to be seen and do whatever I ever aspired to do? When will my dreams become dreams that I look forward to and not run away from? When will he breathe me back to a life that I seem to be draining myself of, drop by drop. When will this darkness change to light? When will I stop waiting for the end?

When will I accept that I'm alone? When will we accept that we're all alone?
We're all in this, alone.


  1. We're on this search for flowers. We keep picking them, always looking away, ahead, to spot one which looks lovelier. And then we run after it, never once looking down to see the the ones we have collected in out basket. We're human.

    You write beautifully. :)
    Almost seem to be humming the lament of many others who share that blackness with you.

  2. Your comment is beautiful. Thank you so much.

  3. I started following you because of that mixpod thing on your page. It sort of freaked me out. I have 33 tracks out of those in my ipod. Every single one except Lincoln Hawk!
    Slight loss of individualism, but what the heck! :D

  4. Seriously? Wow.
    Like wow, liking those tracks is different but actually having them on your iPod and somehow I never got around to adding more.
    Bytheway, I was having a crappy day until the moment I read your comment. I felt like I got to you :)
    I'm following you too now =P

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  6. Oh you got to me!
    I see I have around 5 year long story to read and I think I'm going to have a good time :)

  7. I really hope you do :)
    Looking forward to your comments.
    And, I chatter too muchly. But glad that you related.

  8. I love this post.
    It's so bleak, but there's that underlying thread, that says everyone's dealing with it.
    You write beautifully.