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Monday, November 21, 2011

Bad day.

"When she was just a girl, she expected the world.
But it flew away from her reach, and so she ran away in her sleep."

I dreamed of a paradise too but it was snatched even before I could form the image in my head properly. That's why dreams suck. Because they shatter and they break and then the glass splinters prick you deep within your soul. Nobody should have the ability to hurt you because once they have that ability, they inevitably always use it to hit you at your lowest.

I want to sleep and just not wake up anymore. I'm done here. You're all living for yourself and I am not a consideration through any of it. I shouldn't be starving myself to make anyone happy. I shouldn't be calling a million times to hear your voice. Fuck. You.

So live. In your own parallel universes now.
I don't even want anything anymore because whatever I ever asked for was just a joke to you anyway.
Because none of you give a fuck about what I want.
So thank you. And I'm sorry for believing the best in you which doesn't even exist. And no, there is no self blame anymore. I am a nice person and I have been fucking good to you. BOTH OF YOU. And this is really not what I deserve, NO.
Screw it.
Screw all of it now.

I'll run away soon some day and none of you will see me or hear from me ever again. If drowning in a deep, dark sea is what it takes, I'll do that precisely. Use my love for you against me and I'll kill myself altogether. No me, equals no love for you and hence nothing you can take advantage of anymore. I'm seriously done, trying. Love is a piece of shit. The only thing it ever did is hurt me and pour a carton of acid over my breaking heart. This time it's not my fault and I refuse to take any blame for it either. You all screwed up. You screwed me up.

Congratulations. And thanks. A lot.
For the silence, and everything else.

"I'm not listening to you, I'm wandering right through,
Through this distance.
With no purpose and no drive,
In the end we're all alive,
Two thousand years I've been awake, 
Waiting for the day of shame,
Dear all of you who've wronged me, I am, I am a zombie,
Again again you want me to fall on my head.
I am, I am, I am a zombie,
Again, again, again you push me."

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