Oh, love.

"But my words become stained with your love.
You occupy everything, you occupy everything."
-Pablo Neruda

Today I'm going to write a story. A story about such powerful love that couldn't be broken. A story about the moon giving up his life for the sun to shine. A story about the sun loving another, and setting each day only to return with more heat and vigour. A story about the tangents of a perfect love.

Today I'm going to write about a love so happy it doesn't give you time to stop and reflect. A love so consuming that you give it your all - your breaths, your sighs and your life, one slow second at a time. A love so enduring that it doesn't hold you captive but liberates you and your soul.

Today I'm going to write.

I'm going to write because it needs to be written. The world could use a happy story - even if it is just a story. I need to write about a boy and a girl and a love that lasts, a love that conquers all, a love that is just plain-fucking-old love for a change. I need it, and I need you.

I need your love to begin my mornings, it's like the sunshine in my life. I need your love to get out of bed and face another day, it's like the propeller to my motions. I need your love to make it through college, it's my incentive for hardwork. I need your love as I get under covers, it's my only staircase to lalaland. 

I need this love and I need you.
Goddammit, I need you. 

Love is not equivalent to need though. It's quite inferior. I love a lot of things and people and situations and movies and artists and songs and books, you get the gist. However I do not need them. This need is obviously and undoubtedly based on love, but don't mistake it for anything ordinary for it runs so much deeper, it runs hot through my arteries and pumps blood in my body. This love, my love, our love, is beyond okay, beyond ordinary, beyond desire - it is need at it's most innate and natural form - a primary motivator. 

Today I'm going to write about a love that needs no drive or incentive, a love that knows no boundaries of age or religion, a love that surpasses eras and ages. A love that is mine. A love that is ours.

Today I'm going to create this love and share it, all of it, with just one person, you. 
Desirable, magnetic, addictive, you. 
Oh, you. 

I'm going to create it and you won't know because I'm stupendous at hiding my heart away. I'm going to build us a house and then probably live in it alone because well, I've driven you away. I'm going to write this story with one half of a broken quill and still dream of only one person reading it, you. 

I'm going to believe in it, 'til kingdom come. I'm going to give us a real shot and then let fate be the master of our destiny. I'm going to work toward the meant-to-be and then have a talk with whoever is up there, one-on-one, because this is something I really want. Really. With all my heart. And I know I don't say it often but it's the one thing that I'm sure about wanting and needing and aching for inside.

So I'm going to write about a love. A love between people who weren't soulmates. A love for people who didn't need to die to be historic. A love of legends.

And I'm going to pray to the heavens and skies that we are these legends.

Learning.

I learnt the art of pretense at a very early age. When everyone in class would narrate stories about their parents, or sketch a perfect family, I would pretend. I would pretend that theirs still fell short of the dream that was mine. Some dream it was indeed.

Over the years, I mastered the art of faking happiness until I didn't know my real laugh from the fake one - until a friend pointed it out and I couldn't even believe it. Until I learnt to believe that there was no such thing as happiness because no matter what I did, I would always come home to this - this mess of an affair.

I learnt how to stew - how to let the rage rise inside of me and boil over and destroy me. I would break apart and howl and scribble furiously until there was nothing left - no anger, no hate, no tears - nothing - just a tortured sleep.

I learnt how to hold back my emotions - most of all my tears. I learnt how to hurt myself just so nobody would get the satisfaction of getting there first. I would take the blade out and make a two-inch long scar every single time those tears threatened to spill over; then I would wash my oozing blood under a stream of water so it'd sting - sting enough to distract me from the pain inside of my chest.

I learnt how to run away. I knew how I couldn't stand another second in the same room as you so I ran - at the first opportunity I got and as far as I could possibly go. I thought I'd put enough distance between us to drown out your screams but destiny found a way to bite me in the ass and how.

I learnt how to hold back curses - how to not wish ill for the damned person that you are. I would come this close and tell myself I was better, that I wasn't going to be like you, that my love would run on love and not hatred and loathing.

But the lesson that took the longest and sucked the most ?
That no matter how much I learn, you'll still find new ways to break me and teach me some more - that I'll forever be learning... At your mercy.

Mashhoor hai, fir bhi badnaam woh.

Another year has left us behind and I'm still grappling to get hold of my days and dates and calendar in general. So much has happened in 2014 and so much remains to be done. The upcoming year is going to be bloody important is understating the obvious. Somethings however have remained unchanged over the course of the past twelve months and whether good, bad or ugly - are worthy of a mention.

Many a friends have been done away with. Friendship for the sake of friendship has been forsaken. The silver lining to this is the fact that bonds withstanding are now stronger than ever, more valued and well genuine. However some losses did hurt more than others and I wish learning gets easier as we grow older.

Family is the ultimate respite from this messy world. There's been unconditional love and unprecedented fights but there has been growth. Marriages have taught me about growing up, more than anything else did this year. The real face of many people came forward and the garb of innocence or oblivion was shed. We've welcomed new family members into the fold and some old bonds have been refurbished like ancient buildings we adored but had allowed cobwebs to settle on due to changing circumstances.

Love has managed to conquer all, atleast metaphorically. It has improved performances, dedication and inspired perfection. It has given a reason to keep moving forward, never looking back and achieving all along this journey that we've found ourselves on.

But the one thing that has been almost unique to this year is that the number of times my heart was broken has hit an all time low. I've been the heartbreaker and not the breakee. Phew, what a relief that is. There is an upside to emotionally shutting yourself off afterall. Hallelujah! Refusing to care is a sureshot way to safeguard yourself against a world of pain. The lesser people you 'connect' with, the less exposed you are. And after a lifetime of vulnerability, I think I quite like it this way. My way or the high way misters.

I've learnt that reinventing yourself isn't so hard. You'll find supporters in the places you least expected and the babble of critics can always be drowned with a song or ten playing at full blast in your head. Better still, their nonsense can be used as a driving force to prove them wrong. But nothing works better than wanting to make your parents proud. And nothing short of being the best will ever be enough to do that. That's the thing about perfection.. Once you get addicted to it, its a drug much like the others.

The goals for this year are set clearly in front of me. Now I just need to slowly yet surely find a way to make sure they are achieved. Easier said than done especially for a procrastinator like me but well. What is life if not fighting odds - the greatest one being myself.

Also, to all those who have been around.. Mumma&Papa, Doll, Chuttaks, Shu, Ad-mad, Adi, Aditya, Rastogster, Little J.. stay the year ? I promise you nothing but heaploads of drama and excitement. All of the rest will flow.

So here's my twisted version of a happy new year greeting. To myself and the world. Let's make 2015 count. It does add up to eight afterall - the perfect infinitic loop of perfection.

Somehow.

Somehow, I wish I could find the words to tell you just how much you mean to me. Somehow I wish there was a way to erase my past so that it has no bearing on my future. Somehow I wish that you believe that you are all that I ever wish for, every night before I close my eyes and every morning that I wake up. Somehow I wish that there never is any distance between us because these miles stretch on like human forms between us, blocking and obstructing our path so much so that I can't see even your darkest shadows.

Somehow I want for life to be uncomplicated and painfree without me doubting my every move and weighing my every word as I make or utter it. Somehow I wish for my words to not even matter at all for my eyes should speak volumes as to what my heart feels for you. Somehow I want that molten-gooey-feeling inside of me everytime I hear your voice to become something tangible so that I have something to show for when you're in doubt about my intentions.

Somehow I wish that you're the only boy I ever met in my life so that it's the perfect lovestory - the disney kind - and I'm the princess who didn't have to kiss any frogs to find her prince for he rescued her from the drudgery of life when she was just a little girl. Somehow I wish for you to be my first hug, my first kiss, my first everything so that I can give you all of me with a passion that an oft broken heart isn't capable of.

Somehow I wish I could read minds so I knew what you were thinking every minute of every day and just how many times the thought of me crossed your preoccupied mind. Somehow I wish I could sit with you, days at an end, not needing to talk but having to - compulsively for I want you to know everything I'm capable of saying - all at once; so you know everything there is to know, all our cards are on the table and we can take it from there.

Somehow I need for you to need me like I need you. Constantly and forever. So that neither of us can every grow weary or tired of the other and we can live in our exclusive bubble for life not caring about the mortals on the outside for we have each other. Somehow I want for my wardrobe to be made of only your shirts so I can wear them to work as a constant symbol of being yours.

Somehow I want for you to talk Economics to me all day (for some one day) so that I can look at you all dopey-eyed and feel awed and unequal and unsmart as compared to you. Somehow I want to make up for that in ways only I can.

Somehow I want you to crave me like you crave ghar-ka-dal-chawal-and-bhindi after a fortnight abroad. (And devour me with the same fervour that would follow.) Somehow I want all my somehows to stop swimming in my head and just turn to reality like, now.

Somehow I want it all now.
And I want it all with you.
Though you, without anything else, would do too.

"We may not always be the best of lovers..."

Two years. That's how long it's taken. I don't know when last I felt this nostalgic and happy. Nostalgia has come to become synonymous with depression as we grew up. Reminiscence led to some deep regret echoing and reverberating repeatedly inside of our guts. Well atleast, mine.

It's been a long journey and at it's advent I somehow for once found myself wishing I reach the destination as soon as possible for I knew all along, this was excruciatingly painful to say the least. But now that I can look back at it like an ancient era, I am somewhat glad it happened like it did. Makes it that much more worthwhile.

Being someone's lover is a twisted concept to begin with. Because it's not a finite entity. It doesn't necessarily end. There's too little love in the universe for us to give it up as and when it's convenient. You don't get to decide the end on your emotions, no matter how hard you try. And you definitely don't define the end for love. Someone once told me, true love doesn't exist and if it does, it doesn't survive this cruel, cold world. But true love does survive.. Perhaps it's the only thing that does.

Love is a consuming affair but its only once you stop it from doing that, will you ever realize the beauty of this emotion. It's not always rainbows and unicorns. And yes, relationships do end. But love ? You never did love if you think it's ended with the change of seasons.

I don't think I ever stopped loving you. Even though I lost you, my love for you was never lost. The tangents changed, our paths stopped intersecting and we built new worlds for ourselves. That's the right thing to do anyway. I alienated myself from anything even remotely linked to you for really long. It used to hurt too much so I made myself believe that my world had no room for even your silhouette little knowing that our worlds became entwined forever the day you held my face and whispered those Knopfler lyrics ever so softly in my ears. Now that I understand this, I finally have some peace.

Our worlds are one. They always were. Till we have the same sun shining upon us, forcing us to step out of the darkness - they always will be.

My epiphany might be a little upside down but I know now what I should've known from the start. And in the possession of this revelation, I can smile and hum music which I had run from, for so bloody long.
I can embrace life again. I no longer need to outrun my reflection. I am you and you are me. Two poles of the same soul - never meant to be united; the indestructibles waiting to be destroyed at the hands of fate.
Would I still save "us" despite this insight ?
In a heartbeat.
Always.

'Aadhe adhoore khwab jo pure na ho sake..."

Shadows settle on the place you left.. Our minds are troubled by the emptiness..

I think there is a growing void inside of me. True that an idle mind is a devil's workshop. And the devil indeed occupies mine when I'm left to my thoughts and my own devices. There is a sorrow inside of me, ingrained so deep that it refuses to go away. At best I can shake it off.. For elongated periods at a time if I'm smart but sooner or later it does come back to haunt me. The worst bit is by now I know how it functions, this monster inside of me but I'm still a few steps away from destroying it. I let it rear its head in the hope that I will be able to fight it this time around, but it continues to get the better of me, The fact that anything he does anymore makes me feel like a passerby in his life, does not help. I'm not allowed to complain, I'm only supposed to adjust - even when it is the one thing which is proving impossible for me to do. I should compromise for the greater good. So I keep quiet about all the things that bother me, plaster a smile on my face and my feelings and drudge along.

Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time...

There's this hypothesis in Psychology - The Facial-Feedback Hypothesis. My life is kind of spent taking a cue from it. It states that facial movement can influence emotional experience. In simple words, if you're fucking sad but smile long enough, you will start feeling better. Neat little concept isn't it? Basically, you can fool your brain into feeling something it really isn't - Love, Hate or in my case, Happiness. This hypothesis has aided me in being a better person/friend.. I just keep telling myself that xyz situation isn't upsetting me.. That abc person's actions are not hurting me and eventually, I get over it. My brain begins to believe the bullshit I'm feeding it.

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones,
'Coz most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs..

The beauty of the situation is that I even stopped doing what I did best - write about my little land of misery aka the prison inside of my head. Too many known people started following me and then they started worrying. Even my fictional posts were analysed and overanalysed word for word. This used to be my space. Stalkers found it a nice way to find out about me which creeped me out even further. And so I started staying away. My space, my blog somehow wasn't my own anymore. It was broken by the piercing eyes and guarded my thoughts from ever being inked for the fear of explanation. Can't a girl just write to write ? Must there always be parallels and Q&As afterwards ? 

Setting fire to our insides for fun,
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong...

So I started doing what I do best.. Looking back.. Going through my past.. Searching for answers.. And ofcourse I inevitably found you lurking right behind the shadows which I had somehow erased by discovering some dazzling lights.

And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones,
'Coz of most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone...

I still believe there are parts of me which are dead, which I have killed in the fear that if they are resurrected, they will still lead me to you. I have worked tirelessly to drive these emotions out of me. The unconditional love, the caring, the incessant need to reach out. I had to slap myself repeatedly to drill it into my brain that there was no room for any of them. Or you. 

Setting fire to our insides for fun,
Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home..
It was a flood that wrecked this home..
And you caused it.

I find myself going back and forth to that one picture. I think that's the happiest I've ever seen you in front of a camera. I zoom in, I zoom out. I try to relate to the people in that picture. Relive their happiness since I can't find any in my life at the moment. But this happiness makes me even more depressed than before. This happiness just reminds me of how shortlived everything is.. How inevitable the end is.. And how very easy it is to lose everything in one goddamn moment. 

I've lost it all,  I'm just a silhouette
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget..

When I lost you, I lost an irreplaceable part of me too. For a long time afterwards I asked myself before I even allowed myself to feel anything. Feelings in general were too much to handle. And I've started running from them all over again as the shadows lurk above my happiness. I don't want to relive what I did two years back, I'm not strong enough anymore. I can't be another story in someone else's book. I wanted to be the last chapter, dammit. Right before the words 'happily ever after' were typed.

My eyes are damp from the words you left
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest..
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.

It's not everyday that you meet your soulmate. It's not everyday that you both fall in love and he makes you the center of his universe. And it's not everyday that he walks away, without any reason, never to look back. When he breaks you in so many ways that you wish you had never met him and even as that thought forms you find yourself rejecting it for you know that the ocean of pain was worth the very sight of his smile, the touch of his embrace and the spark in his eyes which only you were meant to share.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one
Because most of us are bitter over someone...

No matter how dark the dungeons afterwards, love is still an emotion you must cherish. It vanishes by the time you realize how important it is. Time, circumstances, people are all too fickle to really know how to hold on to something. And sometimes you're too broken to fight anymore. You have no fight left in you. 

Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them..

And so I do this all day, everyday. Think about all the love that was given to me and how I threw it away. How I'm so close to throwing it away all over again. And just because I know how important it is, I continue to fool my heart and brain. I tell myself I am happy. That this is as happy as you can get in the real world. That this is love, whether I like it or not. That gibberish such as the future and planning take a front-row-seat in your movie called life. There is only room for romance in the intermission. Just FYI, there will be no intermissions. So let go of your "childish" and naive notions about love, or else forever suffer in silence. Teach your heart to be your servant, not your master. And above all, erase all thoughts about  the road not taken. 

Sigh. If only I were as smart as I pretend to be. If only this were as easy. If only I was a materialistic robot. If only I was impervious to my past. IF ONLY I WAS OBLIVIOUS TO LOVE. If only I was incapable of missing the darned emotion in my life.

But I'm forever missing him.

The End.

A lot of us think about death and dying. I am more morbid than most and think about my own end more than anything else in this world. Surprisingly though, there's no fear. It's sort of an anticipated occasion in my life. You could say I'm looking forward to it.

I actually fantasize about the moment when a truck will hit me and take me with it into oblivion. When my existence will cease. When I will be nothing more than a speck of dust.

I dream about my funeral and realize there won't be that many people present. I'm not very loved. What with my sarcasm and dry humour and exclusivity issues, I've never really let people in or managed to touch too many hearts.

I will not be mourned by many. Yeah ofcourse some people will feel a little bad but life in general will move on. I haven't made any real impact in the world. A failure in all but one field, I think the world could be a better place without another burden being added to it.

I've been repeatedly told what a waste of space I am. How so many things are wrong because of me. I don't think I'm strong enough to ever hang myself or even overdose on something. But I'd love to be shot in the back. When I'm at my happiest and least expecting it. I think that would be a tragically poetic and apt ending for my excuse of a life.

I have always thought that the easiest loss for this world will be me. As I grow up, I believe in it some more each day. Let's face it. A set of parents, a handful of relatives that actually care (I doubt the number exceeds five), a bestfriend, a boy here or there, an acquaintance I might have made an impact on and maybe a few friends. That doesn't really amount to much, does it ? Hey, I'm not complaining. I'm relieved that only a few people will be hurt. The fewer, the better.

I find myself praying to the lord above to end this misery for me. So what if I'm not strong enough anymore ? He kills a million plus people everyday. Here's a volunteer! Save another girl in my place - a girl who is yet to be born, a girl who is about to be raped who will then commit suicide. Or save a boy - a young boy who is to die on a motorbike. A father who fends for his entire family. See these are the people who want to live. I happen to have no such desire. The sooner this ends, the happier I'll be.

I even know what my epitaph will read. I've imagined what songs will play on my funeral. My friends know what they should eat and drink in my memory. I secretly know deep down that every boy I've ever grown to care about will also be better off without me. I ponder on the functioning of this world and how little its functioning depends on any of us - least of all me - and I feel a certain twisted sort of joy. Because it affirms my belief that my days are numbered. And I am striking off every single one.

I honestly think I'll go out with a smile on my face. And so I live my life, ever waiting for that truck to hit my face and vanquish the life within me.
So come on now. Put a smile on my face, won't you ?

The concept of Bestfriends & Farewells.

"All our life is a series of leaving and anybody who thinks otherwise has clearly not lived enough."

When I start quoting myself I know something has gone very wrong. Because I otherwise know that I'm no hot-shot writer. It's only when I go through something massively heart-wrenching that I find in me the words to express the one emotion that is constant to all of us - pain. And today is finally a moment of sadness which I felt was adequate enough to put in ink. For you see I've been told I'm whiney and depressive and so I have made a conscious effort to keep all 'pessimistic' thoughts to the confines of my brain lately. Not anymore, they need to reign free.

*

We as a generation have been raised to believe in the romanticism of every little thing. Everything is hyped and a grandeur so magnificent is created around it that we are forever in awe of this phenomenon called, life. Well let me break this bubble for you ladies and gentlemen - It is a lie. Everything that has anything to do with us achieving something, eventually ensures that we reach the top of the ladder, alone. There is no fairytale finish to this story called life. And all the advertisements and novels and movies that made you believe otherwise should be sued. 

Life is a complex process. We forever yearn for the one state of being which has either already passed or yet to come. I remember as a kid I'd keep asking my mother, "Mom, when will I grow up?" She'd look and me with all the kindness in the world and say, "Shh baby. You should never look forward to growing up." While I was fantasizing about my adulthood, she would reminisce her childhood. We both wanted something which we did not have. I do wish however I had listened to my mother.

As a kid all of us always believed that the people we were growing up with, would always be around. We imagined our life with all our friends, parents, relatives, grandparents, little knowing that half of them would not make it and the others we would just lose to the tides of time. 

*

Loss is a funny word. We always relate this word to someone passing away. How ironic though that most of the times we lose them bit by bit and before we know it they've slipped through completely. The loss that hurts me more than the inevitable one is when we are made to lose the people we love/loved.

The closest person I believe to be is somebody's bestfriend from school/childhood. This one person has seen you grow up and been there through the pimples and heartbreaks. And this is the one loss that hurts the most. I have had the pleasure of having a BFF for the past ten years (phew! a decade of putting up with me, she should be awarded a gold medal at the least) and I hope the day never comes when I lose her. Because that would be a loss that's irreparable.

But I find myself losing her everyday. We all lose bits of our friends which we never knew we would have to while growing up. We lose our friends for the first time when our schools shuffle sections and the person we sat next to and shared our favourite crayon with is thrown across corridors. Our every minute conversations are reduced to brunch time tete-a-tetes. Then we grow up some more and find ourselves making a completely new set of friends because we have lost the old ones to changing choices and interests. Then we grow up further more and choose different streams (Science vs Humanities) and find ourselves losing yet another string of these friends. We join tuitions and then quit them and our loss of friends keeps growing. 

Some friends however tend to stick despite all these years and we form a connection with them which is irreplaceable.  We talk to them for hours on the phone and even after spending an entire day together, as soon as they head home their landline rings with our call because there is still some one story we forgot to narrate. We make it work through adolescent years when we completely change as persons and start to feel safe because we feel the hard time has passed.

Then comes college. We shift cities. These friends whom we value more than family are now not a phone call or car-ride away. We need to account for time-difference, skype details, international flight costs and ISD calling. We try and keep up through the various social media platforms somehow hoping and praying to god that texts will make up for face to face conversations. We try and be there for them when they lose a pet. We get condolences over facebook. Proximity is reduced to a whatsapp screen and we somehow make do because we all know we will get that one vacation home and somehow make up for lost time then.

After dragging ourselves through college and making a friend or two (more than this is usually difficult because we are too set in our ways and too picky in our choice of friends) along the way, we find our ways home if we are lucky. However most of us plunge into work which again takes us to newer 'heights' leaving even lesser room for the people we imagined spending our lives with. And what comes next? Marriage. Where the boys' geographical placement decides our future life. We have been uprooted so oft by now that we give up on making close associations and compromise with colleagues. We look to our life partners, always searching in them a shadow of the friends we lost along the way.

We lose our friends to time, to interests, to college, to jobs, to boyfriends, to husbands, to every possible thing. We lose you when you make new friends. We lose you all over again when those friends turn out to be manipulative people who somehow drive a wedge between what we've shared for years. We lose you to marriage when we can't make it for your big day across cities or tight schedules. We lose you to your husband and his family when you become a daughter-in-law and wife. We lose you to your kid when you're a mother for now they occupy the center of your attention. This process of losing is so continuous that I find myself scared of losing you too. 

I'm scared of finding out someday through someone else about your engagement. I fear that your husband won't settle in the same city as mine and our conversations will be reduced to once-in-six-month-meetings. I am terrified that we will grow up and grow apart. And saying any sort of farewell to you only takes me that much closer to this ever growing gut wrenching feeling in all of my insides. 

How do I put it all in one letter? One blogpost? One anything? I have so much of you all around me. It breaks me to think you won't be two lanes away from me. My city = you. What will I ever do with myself with you gone? I used to think once we grew up and started earning, all we'd do would be chill together in the spare time. Now I laugh at how naive I was. I can see our lives going down separate paths and I can't take it! I want to turn back time. I want to discuss Jhalak perormances with you. I want to see Arjun Kapoor say "Whattahplaya!" next to you. I want to go for our pointless drives to Sirsi Road. I want to see someone get just as excited as me, if not more, when I say 'Momos'. I want so much and now that you've gone, I can't have any of it. All I can have is a memory that plays all our moments on repeat and makes me miss you even more.

Sigh.

If only I'd known this is what life has to offer, I wouldn't have rushed into growing up. I would've taken my time. Enjoyed some more biscuit-icecreams with you. Drank some more ThumbsUp from your daily 500mL bottle. Gate-crashed that wedding like we always talked about. I'm not done making memories with you. And I'm certainly not done with YOU. So no. I refuse to bid my bestfriend a farewell because I know that is the beginning of the end. I know now how you felt when I left but I also know that I'm not going to accept that you're gone until the day your 'doli' leaves gandhi path. I love you with everything I've got. You are a part of everything I am. Nothing and nobody and certainly no amount of distance will ever change that.

The future is ours. Just you wait and see.
We're going to be two 90 year old grannys together who drive each other mad, bitch about our kids and die of liver disease on the same effing day because I will never see the sun on a day when I know you don't exist. 

You're MY PERSON.
And in all the lanes I walk, I'll carry you with me in my heart. In all the words I write, your memories will echo. And in every smile that ever graces my face, you will be the person I think about. Thank you for a decade of insanity and love together. There's a lot more to come Rats. 

Oh and - The concept of Bestfriends and Farewells?
Once you've got a bestfriend (even half as awesome as mine) hold on to them and never let them go. That's the crux of it. No farewells. No goodbyes. Only hellos.

PS: Hey there delilah, you be good and don't you miss me.. Two more years and you'll be done with school.. And I'll be making history like I do.. You know it's all because of you..