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Thursday, May 17, 2018

Such a weird feeling.

I never thought I'd be writing about this... Me with my penchant for heartbreak and tragic love stories. Me with my obsession with the girl always being left and the guy never having her back. Me with my alliance to one-sided unrequited love. But I guess I forgot that my love for my mother superceeds all others. 

This one's to you, Maa. 

I don't know if you're listening, or if thoughts can follow someone in a state of anesthesia but I need you to come out of this okay? I know this is so silly of me and it's not a major surgery but I don't know why my heart is sinking and tears keep finding their way in my eyes. I never thought this day would come and yet it has. Life is finite and someday I'll be left without you and I can't face that possibility, not today, not ever. 

To be here, all alone, with my father who has no room for emotion, only reason, to be choking down my tears and to be trying to not think of the risks is just not something that comes to me naturally. 

Today is a day I learn a lot. I've been learning to rely on myself for a while now but today I accept it in totality. I carry you with me Maa, in my heart, and that's all the love and strength I need. That's all the love I ever needed. 

Now just come back to me quickly so we can play a round of sequence and hate on this world together :)

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