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Monday, August 27, 2012

Let me weep tonight.

In the cold shudders of the ocean, let my ship sink down further below than the infamous Titanic. Let me weep the father I never ceased to disappoint, the sister I never had for my own, and the lover that I lost in the tides of time. Let me just turn off these lights and sit quietly, for I can't exonerate my selfish deeds - not tonight. But they say redemption can be found, and where else to find it if not in the remains of my soul. I shoulder the blame alone but mistake it not for self pity or preservation.

Let me bid adieu and forever seal my fate in this extinguishable distance. Let this be the end, of whatever little I had promised. Pick out that flower, that letter, that pendant I kept as memoirs from a happier time, and then let it all go for it's time. For one last time, let me dream about that imaginary truck that was to magically take all this pain away.

Let me sail far away with the winds that reek of the storm soon to follow. I'm devoted to the sea. And I once read somewhere that the sea's only gifts are harsh blows. Let me blow away, for keeping the memory of us alive is painful, much too painful. Pain is all I ever brought to the table. Let me exterminate all of it.

Let me weep tonight for all my sins. For the blood on my hands and the lies. For the unintended neglect and the cold interior that somehow became the very core of who I am. But most of all, let me weep tonight for the mother I left back home. The mother I left behind in all of this.

I did love you with all my heart. I do love you with all of me. Funny thing, love.

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