What is it about happiness that terrifies the crap out of me? Is it just that it's so fleeting that my guard is always up about it disappearing? Is it that Meredith Grey's quotes about pain are too deeply embedded in my brain? Is it Peyton's "People Always Leave" that has me constantly questioning my gut?
Why am I surprised and disbelieving of happiness - almost as if I'm certain I don't deserve good things? Why am I so skeptical when somebody picks me? I keep looking for answers as to why they would and keep falling short. If someone can truly be with anyone, why would they willingly and knowingly choose an over emotional person with so much baggage?
This cycle of questioning never ends and I keep looking for clues where there aren't any. I'll make comparisons just to feel inadequate and unworthy of you. I'll find the data to support my thesis that you deserve better and I shouldn't be standing in the way of that. I just wish it didn't feel as good as it does so I could walk away and let you find real beauty. Should I walk away regardless hoping that you find that perfect person (better on paper is also probably better for you in real life too) , all the while knowing that it will absolutely break me when you do.
I have so many questions but the most gut wrenching and heart shattering one that keeps haunting me is this - why do you love me? Are you sure?
I think you should know better.
I think I should definitely know better.
Why am I surprised and disbelieving of happiness - almost as if I'm certain I don't deserve good things? Why am I so skeptical when somebody picks me? I keep looking for answers as to why they would and keep falling short. If someone can truly be with anyone, why would they willingly and knowingly choose an over emotional person with so much baggage?
This cycle of questioning never ends and I keep looking for clues where there aren't any. I'll make comparisons just to feel inadequate and unworthy of you. I'll find the data to support my thesis that you deserve better and I shouldn't be standing in the way of that. I just wish it didn't feel as good as it does so I could walk away and let you find real beauty. Should I walk away regardless hoping that you find that perfect person (better on paper is also probably better for you in real life too) , all the while knowing that it will absolutely break me when you do.
I have so many questions but the most gut wrenching and heart shattering one that keeps haunting me is this - why do you love me? Are you sure?
I think you should know better.
I think I should definitely know better.
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