2012, Good fucking Riddance.

With less than a week to go, it's time for the yearly ritual. Step back and take a look at all that's been. Usually I write about people or moments that stood out. This year will barely have either for it's been a blur of bullshit and a truckload of crap that I'd rather just forget and put behind me.

This is one year that shall not be missed. Not in the slightest. I think it's safe to say that it's been the worst I ever saw. Every time I felt I hit rock bottom, it found a way to wind me up further for a greater fall, a deeper pit to wake up in. I've been a whiney little bitch - there's no other way to put it - pining over what I lost, and what I continued to lose in new ways every single day. And now I think it's high time I stopped being miserable.

This is what has happened. Sure it isn't what I wanted. And yes, everything has only gotten worse since. Every bridge that I ever built has burned to ashes in front of me. But maybe it's time to build new ones then. It can't possibly be any harder than it's already been.

Yeah, nothing happy feels even half as good without you but then maybe it's just not supposed to. I am accepting my fate now and not fighting the odds. I am tired. I'm allowed to get tired right ? I am also allowed to give up. On you, on us and on my dreams.
I wish this wasn't how it was. I wish I could go on living in my little bubble. But it's time to stick the needle in it. So long and thanks for all the fish.

Among other things I do need to mention a few people. Mom and Dad - who continue to surprise me with the level of love they have for me. I'm truly blessed to have them in my life. They were why 2009 wasn't half as bad and this shitty year was, because I'm not home and don't get to be with them. They know how to keep me sane in this world of insanity and their hugs have the ability to calm down my reckless nerves. I've missed you both and I've realized how life would be nothing without you in it. Next in line will obviously be Priyamvada, who has tried to believe in me despite the amount of crap and ranting I put her through. I am glad that we've seen this year through, like the seven before it and I hope to ensure the next one is nothing like this. Another person who deserves a big, gigantic thank you is Mr. X (reserving the name), for trying to fix a broken me and making me believe that I'm not damaged beyond repair. You're the best thing that happened to me this year.
Among the new friends section I think there's just one name worthy of a mention. Aadhar. You know why don't you my love ? *wink* 
But I'll say all the uncensored details anyway. For thinking of me with everything United related and taking the trouble to try and feed my book addiction and following my story idea's popularity even more closely than me and managing to put a smile on my face in times I thought it impossible and coming out of nowhere (literally) to become an important part of my day. This is the only time I'm going to say it so save the page and take a mental picture to hang in your living room and show your kids, but thank you for the late nights and the wake up calls and everything in between.

As for all the old names - Abhinav, for somehow managing to get even more under my skin than before. You sir are the one thing I'll miss most about Philippines (yes! Though certainly after the cheap alcohol and smokes :P). Shail, for finally letting me in and becoming the elder sister I always imagined her to be. The whole CRACKD jingbang for the random silliness and outbursts of love. Noriel, for being my only friend in class and finding it in his heart to see me for what I am and not what these people make me out to be. And lastly, Anirudh; for managing to be honest every once in a blue moon. It wasn't nearly enough but it's fine. If you'd rather everything stay buried under a pile of pretence and we live on running away from the perfection at hand's reach, then I'm finally on the same page as you. Forgive me for continuing to love you like I did. My lips will never form those words again.

It might have had more downs than ups this year, but it was a ride nonetheless. I shall remember you 2012. For taking my smile and turning into something I don't recognise anymore. THIS has been rock bottom. And now finally there's no way but up.

"From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

"This year's love" - My Entry for the Get Published Contest

A lot of us have spent our lives trying to decipher the actual meaning of this four letter word and somehow always fallen short, which used to make me wonder if it even exists, if it's real or just a myth. That feeling within, which can send you reeling in a spin of blissful delusion - was it for me or did I sidestep it as I hurried through life ?

The story, This Year's Love, is the narrator's tale of meeting her soulmate by sheer accident and how one night changed both of their lives forever. The narrator flies across miles to visit her childhood friend and boyfriend at the time, Sameer and ends up engaged in conversation with one of his acquaintances instead. As alcohol and words flow freely between them, it's hard to decide when exactly they realize that their chemistry is more than just a coincidence, it is fate. The boy who claims to be her soulmate, Anirudh, is also dating his long time friend at the time, Arya. The story unfolds and as these two people decide to give this divine intervention a chance, love triangles are formed and age old bonds severed for what they both believe is a once in a lifetime love.

This story deals with not just the rainbows and butterflies of when they decide to take on the world together for it feels so right but also what follows once the narrator heads back across all those oceans to pursue her education. It's about how those few days become enough to last for the months to come that they spend apart and how distance can drive a wedge even in the most beautiful of love stories.

Excerpt:

'As she stepped onto his feet, he smiled and pulled her closer. His hand on her waist was sending tingles up her spine and as she looked up into his eyes, the crowd of people started to fade away around them. He whispered the song ever so softly in her ears and took a whiff of her hair as they continued waltzing to a melody so pure and apt that it would be cheating destiny to resist this. Inches away from her face and those big, brown eyes, he admitted to himself how this was the very first time he could see clearly. She parted her lips, trying to say something but nothing needed to be put into words; not that either of them could've described the perfection of the moment anyway. 

But as he listened to the ending notes of her favourite track draw to an end, fighting his insides to not swoop her into a kiss that very instant, she pulled away from him and ran - putting as much distance between them as was possible in that little room in which they'd been left alone.'

This is my entry for the HarperCollins-IndiBlogger Get Published Contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India.

If you like it enough and would like to read more or better yet, see this in print, please like it at:
http://www.indiblogger.in/getpublished/idea/303/

Doll's birthday.

I would like to think that this time I've outdone myself.
Happy 21st Priyamvada.
I love you more than words can say, but here it is anyway. A blog worth of words for you.

http://weloveyoudoll.blogspot.com/