I've played a song on loop, lit a cigarette and closed my eyes. The ghosts that surround me help me keep this smoke burning in the dark. I like this silence. Words have become too much lately. I don't want to be lost in translation anymore. I just want to lie here in the dark, with you, no questions asked, no back and forth of a tennis rally, no nothing. Just a night of pure, undiluted silence. You can probably hear my brain resonate with yours then. You can feel my heartbeat then without me having to place your hand on my aching chest. We can just lie here, two imperfect souls, bound by the dark. If I open my eyes, I'll probably see some light. If I open them, I'm sure to see you smile and feel blessed for have it shine on me. You urge me to open my eyes. But if I open them, I'm scared you'll forget about me.
"We'll not stay friends?"
"We never really were friends you know."
I guess I lost you the day I said those words aloud. I've replayed it all in my head so much it's unreal. I should've listened to my head even then. We would've stayed friends for really long that way, maybe even forever. Not been two ends of a cord that can be broken by mundane things such as distance and space. Would I write this story any different now? Maybe. Do you see a tinge of regret in my eyes? Ah no, it's not that. Just the fear of loss is too immense for a tiny person like me. Today I realize there will come a day when I won't know you anymore. We won't grow old together. I wouldn't be around to mock your twenty-year-old wife, and you wouldn't be around to help me be a runaway bride.
"Won't you read my mind?"
"You're over-thinking again."
See this is why I asked you to join me and lie here with me in the dark. My head is not good for me these days. It tells me things I would so much rather not hear. It makes me want to set fire to this room, and burn down with it. Because I told you, a world in which I don't know you is not one I want to exist in. But you said then, we're not done yet. You made me dream up this whole room, in your house and I lived on in it. So tell me, are we done now?
"I can't help falling."
"Please tell me you know, I've got to let you go."
"We'll not stay friends?"
"We never really were friends you know."
I guess I lost you the day I said those words aloud. I've replayed it all in my head so much it's unreal. I should've listened to my head even then. We would've stayed friends for really long that way, maybe even forever. Not been two ends of a cord that can be broken by mundane things such as distance and space. Would I write this story any different now? Maybe. Do you see a tinge of regret in my eyes? Ah no, it's not that. Just the fear of loss is too immense for a tiny person like me. Today I realize there will come a day when I won't know you anymore. We won't grow old together. I wouldn't be around to mock your twenty-year-old wife, and you wouldn't be around to help me be a runaway bride.
"Won't you read my mind?"
"You're over-thinking again."
See this is why I asked you to join me and lie here with me in the dark. My head is not good for me these days. It tells me things I would so much rather not hear. It makes me want to set fire to this room, and burn down with it. Because I told you, a world in which I don't know you is not one I want to exist in. But you said then, we're not done yet. You made me dream up this whole room, in your house and I lived on in it. So tell me, are we done now?
"I can't help falling."
"Please tell me you know, I've got to let you go."
This was so fucking real! Felt every word in there! How I wish you were in Kolkata and we could've taken a flat together and lived alone(the two of us)! We're just too similar!:-(
ReplyDeleteI wish I was in India man, now more than ever.
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